I’m an African woman who has a life history so similar to the typical Asian American woman that it explains why I’m dating a white man. The stereotypical African father (in my culture anyway) is like the stereotypical Asian father. I can’t help but be attracted to the more “pliable” white men (but they must have money). Clearly I’m trying to avoid the domineering father figure I had, while hoping the moneyed, beta-like white man’s money can protect me from racists/thugs/criminals etc. If this were the 1900s however, I would do no such thing, as T mentioned above, money did not protect black women in America back then. Now, however a black woman getting a relatively rich white man (who by generalization and stereotyping is more beta than the “alpha” black male) whether alpha, or beta, is still able to find herself a provider and protector (his wealth and even white privilege). In Africa this same man would be an awful choice of husband, as black men control the place and have the money. The white man thus is even lower than beta, especially if he is a beta. In my country, the wildcard however, is that money protects to the point that a very rich white man with money can date one black woman after another with no problems; a poor/moderately rich white man? no.

I’m guessing more reserved women who are a bit geeky like I am also desire thugs as well, yes?

I will be sure to let my mother know that a lot of men know what I truly desire. I mean it does not matter that there are black women who do not date thugs, since it is much easier to focus all of your energy on women who love thugs and then generalize.

Such is life I guess.

I’ve noticed that the stories of why Asian women & black men date out are often similar.

I came across an article once which stated that African women married white men more often than African-American women.

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Hope let me find out you minored in African-American studies

No Chic Noir, I did not, but I was around a lot of African Americans, Hispanics, Asians and immigrants when I was growing up. My first boyfriend was African American and gave me some insight into how his “world” works, and I did take a lot of sociology, psychology and biology courses in college. The subject of interracial relations fascinates me, and I like finding out what makes people “tick.” I also personally know of numerous interracial relationships that are “unusual” (black woman with white man, white woman with Asian man, black man with Asian woman), and they have been such great successes that I couldn’t help but wonder about them.

I think a lot of the resistance comes from within as far as black women goes, not just external criticism.

I think what is often ignored by explanations of mate choice is the nebulous and often random occurrence of romantic love, and the ramifications of love itself are so great that they imprint a person for life. But I am sure that there are events that predispose a person, particularly a woman, to fall in love for a certain type over another. I deliberately left the subject of slavery alone in my previous responses, but I think that the scar left behind by slavery as you mentioned is very real. A woman will simply not fall in love with a group of men whom she has deemed an “enemy” in her psyche.

I grew up reading about the ways that Asian men traditionally mistreated Asian women, for example foot binding and preoccupation with virginity (stories of women who dabbled themselves with animal blood on the night of marriage even if they are virgins, to ensure that the man would believe her hymen broke). My mother also repeatedly told me accounts of how my father cheated on her, physically abused her and used her for her family’s money. In my own imagination I simply could not find Asian men sexually attractive after all that, despite having hard crushes on them when I was younger and more “innocent.” Though my dating history is very short, I did not become close to a single Asian man romantically since I moved to America. To this day I do not have establish close friendships with Asian males, but have them easily with Asian females, whites, African Americans, etc. I simply could not overcome my deep-seated fears despite my conscious, logical mind telling me otherwise.

Thus it seems quite possible to me that the psychological trauma left by slavery is simply too great for African American women to overcome. Unless she grew up in unique circumstances — as is the case for a beautiful and intelligent African American lawyer I know who grew up in white-washed Wisconsin and married her high school sweetheart, a nerdy and rather short IT professional, and as well for an African lady from Kenya who married a regular Joe white American man — she will not view white men as viable mates, because of the long history which cause her to recoil in “remembered pain,” despite the fact that she herself might not have experienced any.

T.’s last blog post..Happy Belated Mother’s Day

When black women go for a bad boys, however, a prison record and a gun are often be involved. I even found this to be the case when I was in college and hollering at educated black women. With white girls, though, the simple fact that a guy is black is often enough to confer “bad boy” status and make a guy edgy.

It is because you are the other and the bottom of the totem pole in this country that you are seen as edgy by mainstream American women.

I think a lot of this has to do with how BM are portrayed in mainstream culture and many thugs have a lot of fast cash.

“However there is much social stigma working against black women selecting white men today, which is that these women are seen as “traitors” of the race if they date white men”
Hope

Hope let me find out you minored in African-American studies
You truly hit the nail on the head with the above quote.

Ian blacks from Brazil and the West Indies were slaves too, we came over on the same boats . It would be better to compare blacks from the Caribbean with Continental Africans for a better snapshot.

AA women are stigmatized more for dating out. First by other AA women(although it is now changing) and then by black men. Even a large number of AA who date out have a VERY BIG problem with African-American women who date out. Some of them can become very violent and threatening.
Now as far as the thug thing goes a lot of AA women will date an Italian or maybe a Greek man as they are seen as more masculine or Alpha. There is even a number of tales & running jokes in the black community about Italians being black people with white(tanned) skin.

Finally, I do not date thugs EVER BUT I will not take a man who can not/will not protect me seriously.

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