Topics Suggestion Page
I’m planning a book of essays. Use this page to suggest essay topics. It can be an old blog post that you’d like to see expanded, something tangentially related to an old blog topic or totally out-of-left-field question about human nature totally unrelated to anything I’ve previously written here.
It’s up to you. Knock yourselves out.
T, have a look at Awkward Family Photos partly because it’s just plain hilarious, but mainly because many of the embarrassments stem from some man foolishly letting his clueless wife decide what he will wear in front of a camera. These guys need to learn a new word: dignity.
A Topic:REVENGE!
Don’t care what people say, sometimes for personal reason’s, it’s worth it!
How to pay back an X for hurt, pain, and good old fashion making them fall to their knees in tears. Assuming you have it like that.
This is coming from an Ex of 10 years ago. He’s a shit, big ego bastard who thinks he’s a total Alpha Male with hardly anything to show for (10 yrs. later).
He scouted me out thinking I’m a mess and I need a “savior”.
Ok, I’m human, I still have these open stupid old fashion emotions where I just want to see the look on his face when he sees he’s less than what he really thinks he is judging that I actually made something of myself and that shit is still stuck in a rut with a bigger chip on his shoulder.
(I guess I would be too if I had a big dick and couldn’t figure out how to put it to good use and get exactly what I want since this world is a Mans world).
Ok, I’ve considered getting all dolled up and scoping his bar scene…NO
I’ve wanted to take up his offer to get together…NO
I’ve even wanted to just show up at his work where he can’t talk back to me while I slap him (just cause he has a dick and can’t make up his mind about where to put it)…No…
I need something fucking good! Revenge! Good Old Fashion Revenge!!!
just curious if there are any opinions on older women/younger men monogomous relationships (not talking puma/cougar just for sex but marriage).
:0)
any thoughts ? is this still taboo?
Excellent commentary on your website, many thanks.
My interest as a traditional male is in places in our feminized society where men can go to simply be men, among other men. As some women are belatedly discovering, developing upstanding adult men requires places, insitutions, and gathering places in which they can raise the next generation of men from boyhood. Manhood must be maintained, exercised and used – or it withers away. The same applies to adult men, who want and need places to be among men. Such places are increasingly rare, as once male bastions such as the armed forces have been forcefully feminized and made to accept women. The same applies to the skilled trades, and many other fields. Women ask for and get places of their own inwhich to be themselves, it is time for men to demand the same.
If you could devote some ink to this topic, IMO it would be a great service to men everywhere, and the women who believe in them.
You do a great job of making everything you teach understandable. When I read your blogs something just clicks and it makes sense. My problem is having one on one conversations with people. Men and women. When in a group i can laugh, be funny and just have a great time. but when one on one i am usually lost. I know its probably not as bad as it seems to be to me. I used to get laid pretty regularly, and have been in a relationship for 5 years. Most people seem to like me but conversations just seem to lose their steam real quick in a one on one setting. Ive read articles and books on the subject but nothing clicks. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hey,
Here’s something that I would find useful: talk about “street smarts.”
Myself, I’m a middle class white Jewish intellectual. I’m very intelligent, but I have no “street smarts.” Frankly, I don’t even know what this is, never seen it, nor ever met anyone with it.
But I have a feeling that figuring it out would be quite useful.
How do you develop street smarts?
Joe
Ricky,
You definitely have some of the best insights into male/female relations. I would love to read your opinion on navigating the modern dating and relationship scene.
The old model went something like this: Fool around with “loose’ girls all you can. Find a sweet girl to marry and have your kids. Mistresses and flings are optional. Well the old model is out.
The modern reality is:
Almost all women are “loose”.
A guy is F’ked if he marries, so don’t get married.
Women suffer almost no consequences from their shallow scandalous behaivor, so expect she will excercise those options (at your expense) sonner or later.
Women are only as reliable as their next emotion, so keep her in check, but don’t rely on her.
Neither a man’s nor woman’s physiology will continue to add support a LTR longer than a few years so don’t get married (it bears repeating).
So what’s the best course for a man? Essentially I’m asking you to elaborate on something from the “Anatomy of Female Power”, namely how to “create instead conditions for equitable relations between complementary sexes”.
What are some plausable end games? Continuous pump an dump? Serial monogamy? Monogomy sans marraige? If so what are some priceples to pulling that off? What about having kids?
I guess some alternatives to the obsolete marraige model would be appreciated.
Can you share your thoughts on hypergamy, and specifically how it evolves as a woman ages.
Rodger Dodger is an excellent pick. I suggest Fresh, and possibly the English program Peep Show.
Some have said that The Wire is the best television series ever. Those people must never have seen The Shield. I’d be very interested to hear your opinion.
Analysis about Jersey Shore characters, why girls make drama cockblock etc. and who’s the alpha guy… lots of interesting stuff there.
T. Please expand on the 31 days of game post and drop some more jewels thanks.
Something I am wondering is why more people are opting out of reproducing, escially white women. I just saw a show on women who were all white that were in their 40s had no kig=ds and were cool with. Could u do something on why this is happening and its effects on society
I know you’re not an Entourage fan, but that being the case I’d like to hear what about it you don’t like or your thoughts on WHY it is popular then.
More importantly, continue the Renaissance Man series! That and the Immortality series were your best posts I thought. More on either line would be much appreciated.
Got a whole bunch of ideas, here’s the first and top three:
1) Females often read questionable magazines, such as People and US, with the reasoning that it “allows them to not think” or it is something “mindless.” This seems like a sign of a whole pile of problems. One recent magazine had the cover story of: “Teen Mom: I’m broke,” big surprise. So what does such reading taste say about a female.
2) I second the expand the Anatomy of Female Power. I would add that you could focus on some of the gems in the comments: 1) females want special rights, not equal rights and 2) Feminist countries vote for socialism which is part of the facade of female independence.
3) The downsides of marriage – there are lots of lists of why marriage is supposedly good but few against marriage. For example, there is a marriage tax penalty (which may get worse depending on your tax bracket if the bush tax cuts expire) and deductions (like mortgage) for a couple are equal to an individual. The laws significantly favor females which creates a motivation for them to file for divorce (stats vary but 2/3 of divorces are initiated by females). Community property laws arguably motivate females to contribute as little as possible but they are practically guaranteed to be entitled to half.
Some more:
4) I don’t think this has shown up on this site: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....8;index=10
5) How to best deal with drama queens and especially ones in an office environment.
6) Expand the renaissance man series, maybe include things like how to cook exotic meat.
7) There was a comment on here somewhere along the lines of “never date fat women”, the possible reasons or things to watch out for? What do do when you’re in a relationship and the female lets herself go?
Show Nip/Tuck particularly character Christian Troy. Your thoughts?
1) Lately, I’m beginning to feel that femenism has caused more harm than good. I recently read an article about marriage, and it made the point that in the past, marriage was a tool of upward mobility, moving those from a lower socioeconomic status to the middle class. Men with higher paying jobs (doctor, lawyer), were once more likely to marry women with low/lower salaries (nurse, secretary), however, the current trend is for men to marry someone “on their level”, women who share their status (doctors with doctors, lawyers with lawyers, etc.). If marriage was once considered a way to bring more people into the middle class, then is it possible that femenism is slightly responsible for the emergence of class system and the greater gulf between the rich and the poor?
2) Do you feel that liberal ideologies are good for the success of the poor? As an african-american, i’ve seen the effects of accepting more liberal beliefs into our community. However, i can’t help but notice that there are immigrant groups that come to this country dirt poor, and still find success. And the common trait among them all are strong traditional beliefs towards family and life. Is it possible that liberal ideologies are only inconsequential for those in a higher socioeconomic status?
A good example would be teen pregnancy. Liberal ideologies suggest that parents should be accepting of the fact that their teenagers have premarital sex, however, what they forget to mention is that there is a profound difference in how teen pregnancies play out, depending on the financial standing of the parents. If a girl whose parent(s) make 100,000+ a year gets pregnant, she’s gonna have it a lot easier than someone whose parent(s) make below 30,000. Just because it may be okay for the upper middle class and higher, does that mean it’s okay for everyone else?
Would like to see more on these topics
Expand on 31 Days of Game posts
More Renaissance Man series
How to deal with drama queens, and early warning signs, especially for the ones who seem normal at first and then flip the hell out later on
Drama queens at work
would love your thoughts on this TED talk given at TEDWomen – “Tony Porter: A call to men”:
http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_.....o_men.html
In your Madonna-Whore complex posts, you discussed how a man who discovers game and female nature late in life can become bitter and jaded towards women, and this is a necessary step in his transformation. Writing about the stages a man goes through when he first discovers game until he masters it would be an interesting series of posts. This process may map onto the 5 stages of grief.
Glad to see the topics are being reviewed in depth!
Here’s some more ideas:
To expand on the drama topic, anti drama techniques for any drama would be useful. For example, in an office environment when someone is trying to create drama often saying let’s go talk to [person with authority or higher up] is like a verbal slap down. Can work really well, would like to see anti drama techniques for anytime of situation.
9) Females who are argue that they feel a certain way and their feelings can’t be wrong.
10) What can be learned about a female based on her social networking habits? For example, seems a lot of the rise of social networking has to do with people sharing stuff that makes them feel important, etc. Like what kind of a warning/indicator is it when the girl posts stuff on facebook/tweeter every 5 mins.
11) Females often say they mature faster than guys and parade around that they are so mature. This and the flaws in this would be interesting to explore. Further, it seems the functions (possibly traditional) that a mature female is expected to perform are functions that can be performed from a relatively young age (take care of kids, run a household, etc), while in contrast (traditional) functions that a man needs to provide require a skill set that take longer to develop (marketable career skill set, fix things etc.)
12) The biggest lessons that should be taught to males at a young age. This could be based on the anatomy of power. This is along the lines of the great comment above that mentions the stages a man goes through to master females.
13) Why are females so harsh to each other? Is it practice to manipulate males or to develop skills to protect against threats from other females? There was an article I read that said something along the lines of when a female see another female it registers as a threat in her brain while a guy experiences no threat. Or is the threat of other females due to the fact that they are largely interchangeable?
14) This was on craigslist. Thoughts?
Appreciation is a potent drug. When a woman appreciates a man she lets
him know he is respected and trusted. When a man appreciates a woman
she gets to feel cherished and beautiful. And not only does
appreciation cause different effects in women and men, it needs to be
administered differently to women than to men.
Don’t worry about asking your doctor for a prescription, appreciation
is an over-the-counter medication (or over the bed rail, the kitchen
table, the hood of the car…) Want to really appreciate your woman?
Here’s how.
Disclaimer: administration of the information herein may result in the
exposure of parts of the woman in your life that she has seldom
revealed to you. Side effects may include, but are not limited to,
wild abandon, sweet surrender, and squealing playfulness, as well as
any other combination of the adjectives and verbs that comprise her
unfathomable nature.
But Winning Is Everything, Isn’t It?
You were conceived, born, grew up. You got to the prepubescent age and
started noticing that funny feeling in your lower belly when you
oh-so-subtly snuck up on “that” girl on the playground and pulled her
pigtails; when you acted cocky in front of your friends, for her
benefit, with a joke or a heroic effort in a football game; when you
ran after her in the hallway or after school, “Hey, Allison, wait up!
Carry your books?”
Then you reached puberty. Your cock started getting hard when you
would see Allison, think about Allison, dream about Allison…and when
the wind would blow. You couldn’t keep your hands off your cock, and
you could barely keep your hands off Allison. This is when you got the
message that you had to become either a Nice Boy or a Bad Boy.
Remember that? Oh sure, there were variations of the game—Jock, Nerd,
Burnout, Poet— but it all boils down to Nice Boy or Bad Boy. Which did
you choose? Nice? Bad? Some combination thereof? Was it a tag-team
effort depending on which role was required in the moment to obtain
the Golden Fleece (so to speak)?
So, you developed your Nice Boy-Bad Boy game plan, or you decided to
sit on the bench, or you may even have been inclined to join the other
team and avoid the opposite sex altogether. Whatever your game plan,
this guide is aimed at those seeking to better and more deeply
appreciate a feminine heart, whether that heart is in the body of a
woman or a man. Modulate pronouns as you see fit.
You practiced. You adjusted your game plan. You had some degree of
success and some degree of failure. At some point, you scored, you
made fire, you bagged your doe, you got yourself a woman. Touch down!
Two points! He shoots, he scores! It’s in the hole!
Ok, so now that you’ve got her, what do you do with her? How do you
keep her? Why would she stay? What can you offer her?
It’s Not Whether You Win Or Lose…
A woman is not a goal line reward. She is not a trophy. She is not an
accomplishment. She is a flower, the weather, the full spectrum
radiance of light itself. She is a great mystery, an unfathomable
beauty. And, like these things, she is a gift to be appreciated, not a
problem to be fixed or a goal to be achieved.
Don’t get me wrong, she enjoys the hunt and the game, being the prey
and the prize. So don’t box up your broad heads or high tops and put
them in the basement behind the holiday decorations just yet. She
feels seen and beautiful when you pursue her. But if she feels
unappreciated, there will be no pursuit, or anything else.
You may be asking, “But doesn’t the fact that I won her show her that
I appreciate her?” “Wasn’t appreciating her part of the whole ‘winning
her’ thing?” “Can’t I just quietly slip out of bed, grab my clothes
and shoes and leave…or maybe just call her a cab?” Sure. Go ahead.
I’m sure she’ll let you know just how much she felt appreciated if you
do that. Let me know how that works out for you.
You know when a woman’s feminine heart feels unappreciated. She is
angry, grouchy and irritable. She doesn’t take care of herself. She
withdraws, withholds, shuts down, closes up. She complains and nags,
takes charge, tells you what to do, does things herself that she
expected you to do. She undermines and threatens. She usurps your
power, cuts you down to size and goes for your balls.
You may think her anger, however she expresses it, is a punishment for
you, but it isn’t. Every woman knows that when she is feeling
unappreciated and unloved, and is acting out in anger because of it,
she is really punishing herself. Deep down in her heart, she blames
herself for your lack of attention, presence and integrity. She feels
she is not beautiful or loveable. She feels worthless and unseen. If
you think this is how she wants to feel, then you probably think that
a 4.6L DOHC 4 valve per cylinder engine sounds better with a thrown
rod.
Whatever social, philosophical or psychological partnership models and
rules you subscribe to, however much you value being equal partners in
an equitable and comfortable 50-50 relationship, those blueprints no
longer apply at this point (and never really did). When you promised
to be with this woman, whether you asked for it or not, she gave you
her heart. She trusted you with it. You are responsible for it. It is
in your hands. If you aren’t willing to do whatever needs to be done
to rise to the occasion, you should save yourself, and her, a lot of
trouble, pain and grief, and simply leave.
This is a challenge, a test, my friend. She wants you to step up. She
has given her heart to you and she is laying it bare, open and raw
before you because she knows—she knows in the very fiber of her
being—that you have what it takes, that you measure up, and that you
are the man for the job. But she’s not going to keep offering her
heart to you forever. Sooner or later, if you don’t step up, you’ll
have used your time outs and the buzzer will sound. This is a
challenge. Take it as such. Men grow through challenge. Time to
separate the men from the boys.
This sounds harsh. It sounds impossible. It sounds like a hassle and a
burden. A real pain in the ass. The short end of the stick. But, as
men, we aren’t always attuned to the subtle messages and nuances of
the feminine heart. She has probably been turning up the volume for
years before we have finally heard how she feels. For many of us, it’s
too late when it gets to this point. She is too angry to open up to us
again, to trust us again and feel the pain of our failure to respond
one more time. She leaves.
There you have it. She’s gone. No more hassle. No more burden. No more
pain in the ass. Finally, a fair deal. We’re free, right? Or are we?
If we can’t find our freedom, a sense of knowing who we are and what
we’re here to do, while we’re in the midst of relationship and its
inherent pathos and drama, then we are not really free at all, are we
(notice, that’s not a question.)
The Challenge
I paint a pretty harrowing picture, I know. Edvard Munch’s painting,
The Scream, comes to mind. But it doesn’t have to be this way (yet
again.) As a matter of fact, there are some basic instructions you can
follow to troubleshoot, repair and maintain your relationship and
deeply serve the feminine heart in your life, to encourage her in
giving her gift of beauty to you and to the world (figuratively
speaking, of course, unless you’re into that sort of thing.)
This is a challenge, yes. But taking on this challenge presents us
with unforeseen rewards. Each time we step up and stand our ground in
the miraculous, tumultuous, unfathomable heart of a woman, while not
compromising our freedom and integrity, we accomplish several things:
we take back our balls; we allow her to give us her pleasure (which is
a greater reward than feeling our own pleasure); and we become better
men. If you need a payoff, and serving your woman for her sake, not
yours, isn’t your primary motivation, then these rewards probably
won’t be enough for you either. Better to stop reading here.
But, if you’re feeling man enough to take up the gauntlet, then enter
at your own risk, for here there be dragons.
How do you appreciate a woman? 1. Earn her trust. 2. Claim her heart.
3. Be fully present with her. 4. Push past her defenses
To perfect the slapshot you have to first have a proper stance on the
ice, followed by proper puck positioning, and finish with proper
weight transfer and follow through with your swing. If your initial
stance is out of balance, the whole shot is off, but when each phase
of the shot is mastered and performed in the proper sequence, the
whole slapshot transcends the sum of its parts and becomes a beautiful
and powerful act of artistry. The four phases of appreciating a woman
are the same. It works best to gain competency in one phase before
moving on to the next. Once competency is gained in all four phases,
the phases of the process can come together masterfully and artfully.
1. Earn Her Trust
Keep your word. Walk your talk. Take the initiative. Decide what
you’re going to do, tell her what and when, and then do it. Seems
simple enough, doesn’t it?
Before we can keep our word, we have to take the initiative, decide
what our word is, and then we have to say it out loud. This takes more
courage than we like to admit. Every time we take the initiative and
make a decision and voice it, we risk rejection. Remember, nobody ever
died from rejection, and the fear of it is always worse than the
reality. If your woman knows you’ll collapse at the first sign of
rejection, she’ll keep pressing that Big Red Button until you overcome
it. She will continue to test you. That’s her job. You will continue
to rise to the occasion. That’s your job.
Refusing to take initiative is the safe way out. We know it well. Ever
say something like this to your woman? “Honey, it’s your birthday, and
I want to take you out to dinner, and then shopping. We can go
anywhere you want, just let me know what you decide!” I imagine you
got a favorable response.
Have you ever tried something like this? “It’s your birthday. We’re
going out. Wear something dressy, black and above the knee. Pack an
overnight bag with the red panties, bra and fishnets that make you wet
when you wear them. Be ready by eight.” Try it. Thank me later.
If you don’t take the initiative, you put your woman in the position
of doing so, and she will feel you don’t trust yourself to take the
lead. She wants to trust you, but she won’t if you don’t trust
yourself. Why should she?
Taking the initiative doesn’t mean you’re being selfish and laying
down the law. This isn’t D/S 101. Take the initiative with confidence,
but remember you are doing so not for your own ego or pleasure, but to
allow her to trust you, which is what you both want. If she offers
positive feedback, then go with it. If she offers negative feedback,
then re-evaluate your decision and make a new plan. Honor her feeling.
It is her gift to you. But take it as information, not as a Royal
Decree.
I have found that a woman’s heart takes priority over her words, and
that her heart and her words aren’t always on the same page. She feels
appreciated when you trust her heart and feelings more than her words
and push past her words into her heart. (Don’t buy that? How many
times have you asked an obviously angry or distraught woman what’s
wrong and gotten the response, “Nothing!”?)
Taking the initiative is a necessary risk if you want to begin
appreciating the feminine heart of the one you love. But keeping your
word is the next step in Phase 1 of earning her trust.
Women love Harrison Ford and the men he portrays. Indiana Jones. Han
Solo. John Book. Jack Ryan. Even Allie Fox, the over-driven inventor
from Mosquito Coast. A defining quality they all share? They say what
they’re going to do and they go hell bent for leather, risking life,
limb and the security of families, nations and galaxies to get it done
(and not even their woman pleading with them not to go or threatening
them with divorce or death will keep them from their appointed tasks,
their missions, their raison d’etre, which we will address later).
Take out the garbage, come home from work on time or give her that
back rub like you promised, with that attitude, and see how that reads
on the Trust-O-Meter.
We’re talking about integrity here. There is very little that wounds
and hurts the feminine heart more than broken promises and patterns of
not doing what we say we will do. Taking the initiative and following
through is a tall order for generations of men who were taught from an
early age that they should be good boys and not be too assertive. Many
men have become too accommodating of others to act at all. Strong
masculine hearts that are decisive and trustable are too rare, but
developing those qualities is a way to deeply appreciate a woman.
There’s a back door to this. If you don’t actually plan to leave the
toilet seat down, mow the lawn before the game, or fix her broken
headlight after work, then DON’T promise to do it. It’s far better to
say NO, than to say YES and not follow through. She will trust and
appreciate your NO, as long as you follow through with it. Oh, she may
storm or complain, but if you stick to your guns, she will appreciate
that you know what you can and can’t do, and when, and that you manage
and value your time and energy enough not to placate her with empty
promises.
2. Claim Her Heart
It’s a good day to die!
It belongs in a museum!
This is your mission if you choose to accept it.
To boldly go where no man has gone before.
To protect and serve.
I’m here to chew bubblegum and kick ass—and I’m all out of bubblegum.
Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these
couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.
A woman who feels your claim on her heart is a woman who feels deeply
appreciated. A woman wants you to take her, pin her to the wall (or
table, or floor, or bed) and claim her fully and completely—body,
heart and soul. But she doesn’t want to be the reason you wake up in
the morning, what drives you, what makes you tick. She doesn’t want to
be your reason for being alive. She doesn’t want to be your mission in
life. And you can’t claim anyone until you have staked your own claim
in the world. She may say that she wants to be your everything but, if
you make her your everything, she will know you are easily manipulated
and swayed from your course and she won’t fully trust you.
You cannot claim your woman’s heart and make her feel, of all the
wildflowers on the mountainside, that she is the woman you choose,
unless you know who you are and where you’re going. She wants to be
your inspiration, the energy that fires you up to take on the world,
your healing balm when you return home from the battle. She will not
feel appreciated if you fumble around in life with no greater purpose
or mission than to make it to the weekend to watch the game, play your
X-Box, or go out with the guys. If you don’t know where you’re going
in life, she won’t feel safe enough to let her guard down and fully
open up to you, and she will take responsibility for where the
relationship is going because you have abdicated not only the
responsibility for taking the lead in the relationship but the
responsibility of taking the lead in your own life. A woman doesn’t
open her heart when she feels needed. She opens her heart when she
feels wanted. Life is a great adventure, and a woman wants to be a
part of that adventure with you.
There is a John Cusack movie, one of his earlier teenage chick flicks,
Say Anything. If you recall, when Cusack’s character, Lloyd, first
meets his new girlfriend’s father at dinner, and the father is
grilling him about what he wants to do with his life, Lloyd says,
“What I want to do with my life is be with your daughter. I’m good at
it.” At that moment, Lloyd became even more of a sweetheart to many of
the women watching him, but it also became clear that Lloyd had no
direction in his own life and was following his girlfriend around like
a puppy.
The woman in your life wants to feel that you are living on purpose,
that you have a mission that is greater than her and greater than
yourself, that you know who you are and what you’re supposed to be
doing while you’re here. And she wants to feel that you would rather
die than turn from your course, and that you want to die with the
rudder in your hands.
If you don’t know who you are or where you’re going, stop whatever
you’re doing, including reading this how-to article, and find out. You
can’t claim a woman’s heart if you don’t have any ground to stand on.
And she won’t feel appreciated if she feels that she is distracting
you from knowing who you are and where you’re going.
The masculine heart feels no greater pain than not knowing who he is
and where he’s going. Finding out who you are and where you’re going
requires that you move out of your comfort zone and be tested, learn
your place in the Big Picture, and learn your mission and purpose from
whatever you discover is greater than yourself. Nothing you can do
will show your appreciation for your woman more than this.
But this is an article informing men how to appreciate a woman, not an
article informing men how to live on purpose (although they intersect)
so if you’d like that information, or you’re a woman who wants a man
in your life to have it, give me a shout out, maybe there’s a how-to
waiting to be written.
3. Be Fully Present
Does the woman in your life have to put a shot clock on the nightstand
and get open outside the 3 point line to get your attention?
If light, flowers, art, and beauty were persons, they would all want
the same thing. They would want to be seen, noticed and paid attention
to. That is their nature. Same goes for the woman in your life. The
more deeply she is seen, the more she will reveal herself.
You know that a woman is feeling appreciated when she reveals herself
to you. She will feel appreciated and reveal herself to you if you
focus your full attention on her and are fully present with her
without distraction. To a woman, experiencing your full presence is
like experiencing your seeing right into her heart and soul.
A woman also knows when you are not paying attention, when you are not
noticing her, when you are not fully present. What are the things that
distract you from being fully present with your woman? Does the woman
in your life wonder if you’d rather be sleeping with David Letterman,
your double-bevel laser-leveled compound mitre saw, Yuna from Final
Fantasy, or your best friend, Stan?
Am I saying that you have to be fully present with your woman every
moment? No. And she doesn’t want that either. As I mentioned, if the
woman in your life is the only thing that attracts your attention and
presence, she will know you have no sense of who you are and where
you’re going. I’m saying that when you have promised to be with your
woman, she will feel more appreciated if you give her your full
presence and attention.
If you have promised, either directly or indirectly, to be with your
woman, and you are distracted by something, your woman will feel that
she is less attractive than whatever has distracted you. You may know
that she’s more important to you than the latest rerun of Mythbusters,
but she won’t feel the truth of that in her heart. She’ll feel unseen,
unloved, and unappreciated. Is testing the deceleration rate of
various ballistic projectiles in water really worth it?
A masculine heart is not a rainbow. It is a laser beam (doesn’t that
make you feel like a superhero?) If you’re a man who has trouble
staying on target, focusing all your attention and presence on your
priority on the moment, whether that is your work, your play or your
woman, then basic relaxation and meditation exercises can help. You
can find books, audio and video, and information on the Internet that
provides instruction on basic relaxation and meditation. Only 5-10
minutes a day of mental focusing practices can make a difference in
your ability to remain present and undistracted, and it will improve
your focus and attention in every area of your life, including your
relationships. Don’t take my word for it. Try it and see if the woman
in your life feels more appreciated when you’re with her.
When a woman feels your deep presence, she feels she can relax, let
her guard down, and reveal herself deeply in her many colors and
textures and hues and shapes. Remember, a feminine heart is like the
weather, always changing and unfolding. She is the beauty of the calm
and the storm, the light and the dark, the heat and the cold.
A woman will even begin to test you when she feels your attention and
presence become more focused. She will begin to seemingly throw
surprise behaviors and mood changes at you, which will seem irrational
and out of the blue (because, to the masculine, they are.) She will
feel appreciated if you hold your focus and presence and do not
collapse. She doesn’t want to feel you check out, no matter what
aspect of her heart she is revealing to you. She wants to be seen
fully, even in her wildest, darkest and scariest aspects, and she
wants to know you will not collapse, run or check out.
For example, a sure way to get my wife to strip for me and give me a
lap dance is for me to work on a project in the same room that she’s
in. If I lose focus on my project and pay attention to her, I may get
some sugar, but if I stay my course and don’t collapse, I end up with
her, um, deeper appreciation (read her how-to entitled How To
Appreciate a Man for what that means).
4. Push Past Her Defenses
Once you have earned her trust, claimed her heart, and established a
pattern of being present with her without distraction, she will want
more. Who wouldn’t? Once she feels appreciated enough to give you her
trust, you can continue to appreciate her even more by pushing past
her defenses and guiding her to reveal parts of herself that she would
not reveal if she didn’t trust you.
You have come to a point with the woman in your life that she trusts
you and feels appreciated on a consistent basis. She can still open
even more and reveal even more of herself to you, which is what she
longs to do. She longs to give herself to you and trust you as
completely as possible. She never feels any more appreciated than when
you honor her longing by making yourself into a man she can keep
revealing more of herself to, the man she knows you are deep down in
her secret heart.
Knowing the ways in which your woman wants to open is a matter of
feeling what she wants in her heart, feeling what she wants no matter
what her behavior and words may say. It’s easy to get confused and be
uncertain. Feeling her heart takes practice, but it can be done. It’s
not magic.
You can remember those moments when you knew she would enjoy a night
out with friends more even though she said she’d rather just stay
home, or when she said nothing was wrong but you knew something was
bothering her, or when she would feel more attractive in the red dress
than the formal black. (And sometimes, no matter what she says, no
matter how devoted she’s been to the low-glycemic index since a
waffle-less breakfast, she really does want ice cream.)
Use those moments as guidelines to remind you that feeling her heart
and acting for her sake is possible, to remember what it feels like
when you do it, and practice feeling her heart and pushing past her
defenses even though she may be scared or may initially protest.
My wife is a practicing doula, which is a woman who helps women,
couples and families during pregnancy, birth and during the first
months of the new baby’s life through education and physical and
emotional support. My wife’s secret dream was to become a doula. Her
first husband wanted her to have “real” job like a “normal” person.
When we first married, my wife could barely even talk with me about
her dream. She was so sensitive and full of self-doubt about her dream
that, on several occasions, she actually ran and hid when I brought
the subject up. I could feel her desire to do this work and offer her
amazing gifts in such a vocation even through her fear and self-doubt.
Through encouragement and persistence, I continued to make it safe and
possible for her to make her dream a reality. Today she is a much
sought-after practicing doula. I don’t take any credit for who she is
or what she’s doing. I just helped her by pushing past her defenses
and comfort zone so she could find the courage to do what was already
in her to do. I earned her trust, claimed her heart and practiced
being present with her as the groundwork for helping her to make her
dream a reality.
Appreciating a woman is not about what you do, but about who you are.
Deeply appreciating a woman requires that you become a trustable and
strong man of integrity, because a woman feels most deeply appreciated
when she can open her heart and reveal her deep beauty, pleasure, joy
and love to you. You can become that man and appreciate your woman by
earning her trust, claiming her heart, being fully present with her,
and pushing past her defenses.
Are monogamous relationship a trap for men ?
Would be interesting to explore work relationships in the corporate environment, vis a vis game. How to use game to get what you want at work and still avoid being guilty of any harassment. How to deal with male beta superiors at work, and manipulate them without threatening their ego. How to deal with the attractive, married, flirty female co-workers. What to do about typical female behavior carried into work: flakiness, ditziness, inability to lead, pickiness, etc. when it is coming from a superior.
In short, I am fascinated with the use of game to gain wealth instead of sex.
15) In doing the drama queen or similar topics, it would be really useful to add a transactional analysis perspective. It would also be useful to identify or list signs of the game the person is playing so that the game can be circumvented right off the bat.
Hey T! I am loving your posts.
I don’t know if you are well aware of pornographers, but there is a porn actor/director named, Pierre Woodman. Back in the 90′s, he travelled to eastern european countries under the mask of model recruiter. He picked up random girls from the street and conducted an interview in a hotel room.
He made hundreds of videos in this set up where he always succeed in mating them. There are many speculations on whether this is a set up or not, but his persuasions and frames are strong.
He is able to convince the girl within 20 minutes of the conversation and always gives an orgasm within a minute of oral sex.
This investigation might not be worth your time, but if you do get a chance to look at Pierre Woodman’s work to see if it is a set up or not, get back at me.
I am not sure if you have heard of psychohistory or not but check it out.
http://www.psychohistory.com/
I noticed you are featuring a series of posts around the subject of narcissism. I want to suggest a topic which I think may be related to narcissism.
Im pretty sure my housemate is a raging narcissist. He has a bit of a superiority complex going on, and tends to live by double standards.
He often resorts to ‘Playing the victim’, I don’t know if its to gain sympathy or just gain attention. Not a week passes where someone has caused some sort of injustice to him, whether its his work, his family or me.
I enjoy his friendship, hes a fun guy to be around but I realise now that he is really emotionally draining me.
Wondered if you thought this playing the victim game was linked to narcissism and whether its an interesting enough subject to write a post on. Also, maybe a post on how to deal with narcissistic people in your life.
How money or lack thereof affects human psychology and emotions.
Well, a quick and easy post would be Charlie Sheen and narcissistic personality disorder.
a “people watching” series?
To what extent do you ascribe agency to people?
Its one thing to say, men like this because of evolution. Women like this because of evolution. If we are to take the materialist view, then I guess the question is not even worth asking. However, if we assume human beings are more then that, to what extent do people have a responsibility to overcome their hindbrains?
Could you talk about brother-sister incest?