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The Easiest, Fastest Way to Understand Narcissists

I will tell you the easiest, fastest way to understand narcissists and other Cluster Bs like borderlines and histrionics. All you have to do is grasp the following sentence.

The types of things drug addicts and alcoholics are driven to do for their substance of choice (lie, steal, betray, etc.), are the exact things a narcissist will do to get narcissistic supply.

In fact, one of the best ways to undestand how narcissists work is to study drug and alcohol addiction. This is because all narcissists are addicts (for narcissistic supply), and all addicts are narcissists (addiction makes people self-centered and lose empathy). Much of what I’ve learned about personality disorders came from reading about drug and alcohol addiction and mentally replacing the words “addict” and “alcoholic” with “narcissist” and the words “alcohol” and “drugs” with “narcissistic supply.”

Give it a try and you’ll see what I mean.

15 Responses to “The Easiest, Fastest Way to Understand Narcissists”

  1. When you use the word narcissism, do you mean it in the sense that The Last Psychiatrist does?

  2. Yes although I don’t always agree 100% with his specific conclusions we’re talking about the same general concept.

  3. think i’ve learned more about myself with your string of narcissist posts than i did in my adulthood

  4. Good to know, since one of TLP’s pet peeves seems to be when magazines misuse the word “narcissism.”

    Both of you describe this fairly well. Is this the sort of thing you’re putting in your book?

  5. I actually don’t like the TLP post you just linked to. I think his criticism of the magazine article is unfair and if you look in the comments to the piece I give my reason why.

    I’m a big fan of TLP but his critique of that article I found unconvincing.

  6. Shatteredperceptions on June 29th, 2012 at 2:53 PM

    Random comment…since you study psychology and human nature what do you think of this theory that answers (at least partly) The question What’s wrong with people today and why so many act vacant, narcissistic and evil.

    A lot of people especially in the US take psychiatric drugs and other precribed medications. I know people have free will and yes, a lot of them have psychological issues which come into play. But I’ve noticed many people who just “aren’t there” not nessicarialy with intent to be evil just empty or take it to a whole new level. Could these drugs which do affect the brain have a part to play in culture today.

    Plus each generation get successivly worse. Maybe due to the fact of younger age usage and breastfeeding moms which are on the rise take these meds and pass them onto their kids? It may be a reach but I think these meds really mess with some peoples minds or at least accentuate the problems.

    Just as someone does something under the influence of drugs/alcohol it does not excuse them or make it unnessicary for awareness or therapy of original issues. I just wonder about this and how deep it goes or how it ties into the mass effects of rude/evil/unaware/sad people in society.

    Here is an article I found but there are many since a few years prior that discuss this. Okay, not the best site/article but sums it up about right. Anyway forgive my atrocious spelling. I hastily typed this comment.

  7. TLP has some good articles, but ironically he’s about as narcissistic as they come. His post quality has been going downhill recently, it’s become unfocused and contradictory. Often it seems his only goal anymore is to rail on “kids these days”.

  8. It seems that our whole society is structured around “mood changers”. To specifically prevent us from feeling the pain within, to allow a temporary escape, a respite from ourselves.

    Feeling sad? (Usually as a result of toxic shame)

    1) Eat something with sugar, fat and salt. Rampant obesity results.
    2) Watch TV! No need to feel or think.
    3) Go to a movie, eat at a restaurant, go clubbing
    4) Pick up chicks!
    5) Surf the web, watch porn, watch youtube videos read a book or a magazine.
    6) Drink, smoke pot, drugs
    7) Prozac!
    8) Overworking. Work! Work! Work! No time to think, let alone feel.
    9) Go to the gym, work out! Escape!

    Don’t just sit there, do something!!! That’s the motto of society. Anything but to sit and feel. Heck, we feel ashamed just sitting there and doing nothing. How boring?

    All the temporary happiness that we can purchase is either through consumption or a form of distraction.

    It’s insanity.

  9. @ Vivi

    you are right,but….but to feel the fucking pain and fucking shame is it really going to give us the FREEDOM and the inner silence that we are looking for???

  10. I´m trying to be present,to meditate,and to cut off all the defences that i created inside me,it´s fucking painfull,i woke up in the morning with that CREEPY feeling in my chest…..EVERYDAY….and i feel so empty,so useless,so nervous

  11. Izumi, yes it hurts. But the problem is, when you are unable to process the hurt, afraid to let yourself feel the pain, always feeling the need to avoid it and repress it, it controls you. You end up always needing mood changers, even if those mood changers are other people. And that need for mood changers opens you to exploitation and manipulation by others. That inability to face and tolerate frustration, inner pain and emptiness leads to the addiction to mood changers, whether it’s the addict’s addiction to drugs, the narcissist’s addiction to narcissistic supply or the codependent’s addiction to narcissists.

    Repressing or avoiding pain, shame and the like don’t eliminate them, it just postpones them and allows them to accumulate “interest” and you feel it on a much stronger level at a later time.

    This doesn’t mean one should wallow or make shame into their identity either of course.

  12. I want to add, when you can’t tolerate feeling pain and frustration and have a constant need for mood changers, that’s when you are most open to being manipulated (that’s why even for narcissists one of the traits is gullibility despite the fact they’re manipulators themselves). People use the promise
    of mood changers as the carrot they dangle on the stick to get you to comply, whether it’s advertisers, narcissistic lovers or drug dealers, and they use the threat of taking away the mood changer as the whip they crack when you’re not complying fast enough.

  13. All processes of growth have a period of pain and disorder. Its called creative destruction. Picture trying to build a new building without completely destroying the old one. Picture how if you are truly organizing your room you have to let your room get incredibly messy and look like crap first rather than just throw everything in the closet, under the bed, or in a drawer. Picture those people who want to lose weight and get great bodies but rather than deal with the soreness, discomfort and pain of good nutrition and hard exercise are always looking for shortcuts quickies and products that promise to make it easy and painless. Picture a person who always stops exercising the moment they get tired or feel a hint of pain or stops eating healthy the minute they feel hungry or get a junk food craving.

    That’s what self-improvement becomes when you think you can do it without being able to tolerate pain and frustration.

  14. God bless you Ricky Raw

  15. Emotional monkey with a hot button for approval.

    That’s what I feel like today. I Was feeling quite good earlier because I was getting approval and affection from a woman and a few hours later it turned into disdain and feeling like crap as she flaked out on me.

    And I was chasing her despite her telling me about her psychological issues and previous bad experiences. LOL. I was chasing an ‘easy’, ‘quick’ lay.

    My thinking is now headed more and more into the direction that prostitutes are much safer to be around to get the business done with rather than being a little emotional monkey that women can toy around with their approval and disapproval. Atleast till I heal.

    Which could take a long time given just today’s experience. I am more and more aware of what’s going on, the psychological factors but dealing with emotions is so much more challenging in real time especially.

    BTW Ricky can even meditation can turn into a mood changer if not translated into everyday life? Or does every little session contribute to healing?