Sex, Lies, and Rinsing Guys

This documentary is a few years old, and apparently generated some buzz in the UK in 2012, but this is my first time hearing about it. The thirst is real, people.

9 Responses to “Sex, Lies, and Rinsing Guys”

  1. Very educational insights into the mind of a Cluster B. It’s seeing how the sausage is made. We hear and see first hand the behind the scenes of how these women identify, charm, stalk and discard their mark.

    What I find interesting is the documentary takes this from the idea of “girls should feel on top” and “empowerment” rather than filling an emptiness.

    At 36:30 She rationalizes her behavior “I thought he was a bit more on my wavelength”…Then manipulates him into apologizing.

    Finally we see her true emptiness and the void. “Obviously what I went through…”

    In light of all her manipulative behavior her “poor me” expose of vulnerabilities is all very revealing of Cluster B behaviors: their whole motivation is about attention and when the source of that attention is no longer useful, he’s discarded in favour of another more malleable sucker. “I’m speaking to him…I’m being nice to him.” It’s important that guys who fall for this look deeply at themselves. What is it about their own lack of self-esteem that allows them to pin false hopes on the mirage?

    Often the “rinsing” isn’t for the purposes of money, it’s for attention, affection or favours, a marriage proposal etc.

    I had a bad break up with a girl who displayed a series of Cluster B behaviours and the relationship pattern followed the Idealization, clinging, distancing and discarding sequence.

    It left me feeling shamed and guilty—like somehow I was to blame for her behaviours and it took time, soul-searching, reading and reflecting to truly understand how these patterns made me stay or come back when I should have left.

    The women in this documentary are calculating whereas in some Cluster B’s these manipulative behaviours are hardwired into their psyche.

    Either way the “type” who falls for it is the same…someone successful with a void or emptiness in their life that prompts them to seek external validation…a hot babe and the “promise” of a relationship, love, sex or some type of intimacy keeps one hooked.

    I see the red flags these women display laid out clearly in this documentary. In my own situation I vacillate between cold understanding and mushy wishful thinking.

  2. “An adulterous woman consumes a man, then wipes her mouth and says, ‘What’s wrong with that?'” – Proverbs 30:20

  3. TarzanWannaBe on May 17th, 2014 at 8:20 PM

    Ohh to have a 20 year post-wall follow-up documentary! 😉

  4. At first I felt anger, but after the end and some time to let things gell, its more like a mixture of disgust and pity for both parties involved. At least two of the rinsers described backgrounds of being bullied and coming from a place of poverty, which explains a lot. I imagine the marks probably have virtually identical backgrounds, but ironically cope in the polar opposite way (narcissist vs co-dependent, exploiter vs. appeaser, etc.) Nevertheless, one thing I’ve learned the hard way is that there’s a point in life where one’s sob back-story stops being a license to be a dick or doormat void of consequences.

    What especially struck me (even though it shouldn’t be surprising) was the level of projection these women displayed: complaining about exploiters as well as the immature and entitled, while utterly clueless about it in themselves (or at best, rationalizing it away with a worldview of life being one giant con/game, as you’ve described in your game theory articles.) It’s like borderline Eric Cartman level mental gymnastics.

    Speaking of entitlement, I think that the book displayed on the coffee table @ 3:35 says a lot.

  5. Theodore Logan on May 17th, 2014 at 8:59 PM

    What left me completely floored is that sex is not part of the deal with these cunts. I just refuse to believe there are guys that fucking thirsty out there that will actually pay handsomely just to be in the presence of some post wall skank. If anything, the shit these cunts are pulling should inspire more Jack the Ripper types roaming about.

  6. @Theodore This documentary is really about “extreme” and unsavoury behaviours.

    But a more realistic scenario are the women who develop a coterie of “orbiters” who will text them and give them attention while they’re riding the bus to jobs, who will run over and help them, who will give them sympathy while they go and date and fuck other guys.

    Women want attention while men want sex. When guys forget this simple premise they surrender their balls

    My ex gf who displayed a series of Borderline traits used: sex, guilt, shame, gifts, to get my attention and sympathy. When I gave it, she withdrew all those things. When I withdrew my attention she would give them all back.

    This dance continued until she found another “friend” who asked her out. She went out with him for her birthday…to a nice quiet Italian restaurant. She didn’t tell him we were involved.
    You can see where this was going? I got very angry, withdrew my attention but since she had a new “source”…my attention, sex, value was no longer of any consequence to her.

    She even accused me of “rejecting” her and “Disappearing”…another guilting/shaming technique to blame me for the demise of the relationship. I still struggle with this because I realize the fact I would consider what she did an acceptable consequence of any of my supposed actions means that disrespectable behavior IS acceptable to me and I’m to blame for it. Why wouldn’t I just find someone who IS respectful and openly communicative?

    This is a question for these guys in the documentary being “rinsed”. Why would they meet and invite a woman from another country, buy them various gifts, accept that woman’s disrespectful and emotionally manipulative behavior all on the “hope” that there would be some intimacy involved?

    This documentary struck a sensitive chord with me. I see the problem. I also see that part of this dynamic is my willingness to participate in this sad emotional dance that results in explosive drama, fights, accusations, recriminations…

    Blaming these women is easy, yes they’re horrible. But the scenario I describe is the more common one and it takes two…

  7. Those women in the documentary are extreme examples, they’ve made a profession out of this behavior, but it happens in mild cases. Or it did happen to me. My Cluster B had a way of asking (manipulating) me to buy her fancy clothes, and sometimes i bought, thinking “what’s $200 to see my woman happy and beautiful in this dress?”.

    Then thoses wishes escalated to much more expensive things. Those i didn’t buy, because luckily i wasn’t that stupid, even though i had the money. She was really offended when i didn’t give her the iPhone she wanted.

  8. The three have distinct styles: Holly is into domination and degrading her suitors, of whom she has the lowest possible mocking opinion. Holly even imperialistically suggests her mode of domination as an ideal model for all women – she has Führer fantasies.
    Jeannette for all of her calculation and apparent ruthlessness abides by the Law and is thus able to explain innocently and succinctly that: “I’m not committing any crime.”
    Danica is full of devotion towards and highest respect for her suitors and for all of her devout denial, her bejewelled public lifestyle constitutes a vast and potentially lifelong concealing material; a sort of capitalistic burka woven out of the fabric of all manner of accesories, with which she cumulatively entices, but never it seems, will she ever reveal her secret.
    It would intrigue me to read or find out as a possible follow up, who might crack the code of these Graces’ hearts. But this truth would for business reasons, and for reasons of concurring desire, have always to be concealed, otherwise the Graces’ would lose much of their present allure, or their allure would suffer a change of state, and not be so attractive for the suitors who pay for attention.

  9. In the documentary I find Jeannette outwardly and also spiritually very attractive because of her clarity, apparent ruthlessness and innocence, and I also love the sound of her liverpudlian accent.

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