Reader Letters #1, Resources
If you read the Reader Letters #1 series: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, and the epilogue and still want to do further research on your own, I’ve decided to put some relevant links to good related resources. I know it’s a lot, but that’s the point. There are no easy fixes. It’s taken a lot of years of believing things unquestioningly that got your current state, and it’s going to take years of unlearning bad scripts and learning and reality testing new beliefs to get you out of it:
Best Starting Point:
This is an Audible audio book called True Self/False Self
Assorted Media:
If you’re a man and the Reader Letters series really spoke to you, I suggest the Shrink4men weekly podcasts, Mack Lessons weekly podcast and Tom Leykis‘s daily radio show, especially his Thursday Leykis 101 series. The first two podcasts can be subscribed to for free on Itunes.
Videos on the Web:
John Bradshaw: Healing the Shame That Binds You, Pt. 1 (there are 9 more parts you can find on Youtube:
John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame That Binds You, Part 1 (you can find the remaining parts on Youtube). There is a lot of talk about addiction, and you may be tempted to think these insights are irrelevant to you. But keep in mind, narcissism and other Cluster B personality disorders are addiction conditions: addiction to superficial ego boosts via external validation. And codependents are also addicts: they’re addicted to narcissists and other emotional vampires. So if you listen to this clip with that insight in mind, you’ll get much more out of it:
Brene Brown discussing shame, vulnerability, and empathy. Three great videos.
Articles on the Web:
Attachment Theory by Mark Manson
Repetitive Relationship Patterns by Stephen A. Diamond
What Self-Esteem Is and Is Not by Nathaniel Branden
Answering Misconceptions About Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
Self Esteem: Real and Phony by Elizabeth Gudrais
“My Fiancee is Pushing Me Away and I’ve Lost Hope” by The Last Psychiatrist
Comparison: Typical Behavioral Traits of True and False Selves by Peter Gerlach
A Comparison Between the True Self and False Self
True Self/False Self: What and Why? Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
The Five Stages of Grief by David Kessler
The Procrastinating Caveman: What Human Evolution Teaches Us About Why We Put Off Work and How to Stop by Cal Newport
A Note on Vulnerability and The Pain Period by Mark Manson
The Lesson of the Butterfly by Paolo Coelho
15 Common Defense Mechanisms by John M. Grohol
Compensation on Wikipedia
Defense Mechanisms discussion
The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief by Julie Axelrod
Kubler-Ross Model on Wikipedia
Defense Mechanism Slideshow by Kendra Cherry
The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Marisa Mauro
Emotional Incest by Robert Burney
Parentification on Wikipedia
Attachment theory on Wikipedia
More on Attachment Theory: Attachment Styles
Borderline Waifs: Rescuing the Woman Who Doesn’t Want to Be Saved by Shari Schreiber
Who’s Doing Your Dirty Work: Deconstructing Passive Aggression by Shari Schreiber
Do You Love to Be Needed, or Need to Be Loved by Shari Schreiber
Borderline Males I’ve Known, And Almost Loved by Shari Schreiber
At Any Cost: Saving Your Life After Loving a Borderline by Shari Schreiber
Ministrategies by Shari Schreiber
Shell-shocked by Shari Schreiber
The Gift of the Borderline by Shari Schreiber
Fortifying Your Fortress: Healthy Boundaries on Shrink4men
Is Your Girlfriend or Wife a Professional Victim on Shrink4men
What is Codependence? on Psych Central
Narcissistic Family Portrait on Psychology Today
Manhood 101 Free Ebook
Self-Handicapping by me
Recommended Books (Full Disclosure, any books you buy by clicking one of these links, I get a commission):
Anatomy of Female Power by Chinweizu (free pdf copy)
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love
by Amir Levine
Games People Play
by Eric Berne.
I’m OK–You’re OK
by Thomas A. Harris
Getting Things Done
by David Allen
Willpower’s Not Enough
by Arnold Washton
Healing the Shame that Binds You
by John Bradshaw
Beat Low Self-Esteem With CBT
by Teach Yourself Series
What the Buddha Taught
by Walpola Rahula
A New Earth
by Eckhart Tolle
The Drama of the Gifted Child
by Alice Miller
Narcissism: Denial of the True Self
by Alexander Lowen
Narcissistic Lovers
by Cynthia Zayn
Emotional Vampires
by Albert Bernstein
Don’t Let Them Psych You Out!
by George D. Zgourides, MD
Help! I’m in Love with a Narcissist
by Steven Carter & Julia Sokol
Stop Walking on Eggshells
by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger
Reinventing Your Life
by Jeffrey E. Young, Ph.D
The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection: Coping with Narcissists
by Rokelle Lerner
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
by George K. Simon
Winning by Intimidation
by Robert Ringer
Why We Hate Us: American Discontent in the New Millennium
by Dick Meyer
The War of Art
by Steven Pressfield
People of the Lie
Who’s Pulling Your Strings?
by Harriet B. Braiker
