Reader Letters #1, Resources

If you read the Reader Letters #1 series: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, and the epilogue and still want to do further research on your own, I’ve decided to put some relevant links to good related resources. I know it’s a lot, but that’s the point. There are no easy fixes. It’s taken a lot of years of believing things unquestioningly that got your current state, and it’s going to take years of unlearning bad scripts and learning and reality testing new beliefs to get you out of it:

Best Starting Point:

This is an Audible audio book called True Self/False Self. I think it is by far one of the most powerful speeches I have ever encountered and puts much of this in perspective. Even if you plan to try everything on this list, I’d highly recommend you start with that speech.

Assorted Media:

If you’re a man and the Reader Letters series really spoke to you, I suggest the Shrink4men weekly podcasts, Mack Lessons weekly podcast and Tom Leykis‘s daily radio show, especially his Thursday Leykis 101 series. The first two podcasts can be subscribed to for free on Itunes.


Videos on the Web:

John Bradshaw: Healing the Shame That Binds You, Pt. 1 (there are 9 more parts you can find on Youtube

John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame That Binds You, Part 1 (you can find the remaining parts on Youtube). There is a lot of talk about addiction, and you may be tempted to think these insights are irrelevant to you. But keep in mind, narcissism and other Cluster B personality disorders are addiction conditions: addiction to superficial ego boosts via external validation. And codependents are also addicts: they’re addicted to narcissists and other emotional vampires. So if you listen to this clip with that insight in mind, you’ll get much more out of it:

Brene Brown discussing shame, vulnerability, and empathy. Three great videos.

Articles on the Web:

Attachment Theory by Mark Manson

Repetitive Relationship Patterns by Stephen A. Diamond

What Self-Esteem Is and Is Not by Nathaniel Branden

Answering Misconceptions About Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

Self Esteem: Real and Phony by Elizabeth Gudrais

“My Fiancee is Pushing Me Away and I’ve Lost Hope” by The Last Psychiatrist

Comparison: Typical Behavioral Traits of True and False Selves by Peter Gerlach

A Comparison Between the True Self and False Self

True Self/False Self: What and Why? Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

The Five Stages of Grief by David Kessler

The Procrastinating Caveman: What Human Evolution Teaches Us About Why We Put Off Work and How to Stop by Cal Newport

A Note on Vulnerability and The Pain Period by Mark Manson

The Lesson of the Butterfly by Paolo Coelho

15 Common Defense Mechanisms by John M. Grohol

Compensation on Wikipedia

Defense Mechanisms discussion

The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief by Julie Axelrod

Kubler-Ross Model on Wikipedia

Defense Mechanism Slideshow by Kendra Cherry

The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Marisa Mauro

Emotional Incest by Robert Burney

Parentification on Wikipedia

Attachment theory on Wikipedia

More on Attachment Theory: Attachment Styles

Borderline Waifs: Rescuing the Woman Who Doesn’t Want to Be Saved by Shari Schreiber

Who’s Doing Your Dirty Work: Deconstructing Passive Aggression by Shari Schreiber

Do You Love to Be Needed, or Need to Be Loved by Shari Schreiber

Borderline Males I’ve Known, And Almost Loved by Shari Schreiber

At Any Cost: Saving Your Life After Loving a Borderline by Shari Schreiber

Ministrategies by Shari Schreiber

Shell-shocked by Shari Schreiber

The Gift of the Borderline by Shari Schreiber

Fortifying Your Fortress: Healthy Boundaries on Shrink4men

Is Your Girlfriend or Wife a Professional Victim on Shrink4men

What is Codependence? on Psych Central

Narcissistic Family Portrait on Psychology Today

Manhood 101 Free Ebook

Self-Handicapping by me


Recommended Books (Full Disclosure, any books you buy by clicking one of these links, I get a commission):

Anatomy of Female Power by Chinweizu (free pdf copy)

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love
by Amir Levine

Games People Play
by Eric Berne.

I’m OK–You’re OK
by Thomas A. Harris

Getting Things Done
by David Allen

Willpower’s Not Enough
by Arnold Washton

Healing the Shame that Binds You
by John Bradshaw

Beat Low Self-Esteem With CBT
by Teach Yourself Series

What the Buddha Taught
by Walpola Rahula

A New Earth and The Power of Now
by Eckhart Tolle

The Drama of the Gifted Child
by Alice Miller

Narcissism: Denial of the True Self
by Alexander Lowen

Narcissistic Lovers
by Cynthia Zayn

Emotional Vampires
by Albert Bernstein

Don’t Let Them Psych You Out!
by George D. Zgourides, MD

Help! I’m in Love with a Narcissist
by Steven Carter & Julia Sokol

Stop Walking on Eggshells
by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

Reinventing Your Life
by Jeffrey E. Young, Ph.D

The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection: Coping with Narcissists
by Rokelle Lerner

In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
by George K. Simon

Winning by Intimidation
by Robert Ringer

Why We Hate Us: American Discontent in the New Millennium
by Dick Meyer

The War of Art
by Steven Pressfield

People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck

Who’s Pulling Your Strings?
by Harriet B. Braiker