Comments on: More On The Power of Vagueness - Dating

By: Relationship advice that makes a difference

Relationship advice that makes a difference — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 04:07:07 +0000

Enjoyed your post. I\’ll stop by again soon for more tips.

By: T

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 03:28:09 +0000

Alan makes a good point. You don’t want to make a guy feel like your therapist or an emotional tampon.

By: alan

alan — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 02:28:02 +0000

Ava, I agree that women don’t need to be mysterious to attract men, however, having & maintaining some element of mystique about yourself throughout your relationship with a man definitely helps increase & fan his interest in you & distinguish you from other (esp. American) women (most of whom, quite frankly, can’t wait to tell you everything in the belief that this is how people bond). It’s just human nature to be intrigued by the mysterious - people are curious. The open-book girl next door thing is cute, sure, but there’s a reason why mysteriousness, inscrutability, are nearly always qualities of the typical seductive woman in movies, literature, art, etc.

By: T

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:13:14 +0000

Interest makes the guy feel like he’s winning you over because of something he does. Eager is just practically serving up the drawers on a platter up front, telegraphing your interest too early and too strongly, it makes him feel like there was no challenge at all, it was just a slam dunk. This isn’t bad if you’re on vacation or just want a one-night stand, but if you want something more it’s the wrong move.

Not saying all instances of having sex fast are bad or won’t lead to relationships. I’ve had relationships with women I slept with the same day I met them, but they were interested and not eager. They made me feel like it was something about me and my game that made them have sex so fast, rather than that just being how they get down all the time. I’d say that’s the difference between interested and overeager.

By: Ava V

Ava V — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:34:10 +0000

interesting. i guess i never realized how much i actually get hit on. but i’m having trouble with the difference between interest and eagerness…have any examples to help me out?

Ava V’s last blog post..Providence College

By: T

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 13:52:16 +0000

Ava, I don’t think it’s that necessary for women to stay mysterious because guys aren’t looking for reasons to disqualify women as much as women are looking for reasons to disqualify men. Women get approached and hit on all the time, even when it’s not explicit. Just getting offered help from a guy that he wouldn’t offer to another guy is an example of getting hit on. Offering to carry your bags to your car? Getting hit on. Complimenting your outfit? Getting hit on. And so forth. Since women get hit on so much, they naturally have to be choosier and look for more reasons to disqualify guys, since they can’t (or at least shouldn’t) date or fuck them all. So since women are instinctively looking for reasons to shut a guy down when they first meet them (unless you make a REALLY good first impression), I think guys need to avoid giving her any unnecessary ammunition by talking too much. Be just interesting enough to intrigue, but don’t go overboard in the sales pitch because you risk fucking it up.

The average guy on the other hand get dissed all the time. We’re used to getting shot down, ignored, dealing with aloof women with one word answers that don’t invite further conversation and so on. So when we find a girl that’s interested, it’s like we hit the lottery. We’re used to girls acting aloof, vague and outright uninterested, so being mysterious doesn’t go as far with a woman. We’re less likely to be looking for reasons to disqualify the opposite sex as a woman, so we tend to tolerate more than most women would, especially if the woman is attractive, so it doesn’t matter as much if a woman says dumb things. I’ve seen some attractive women say some of the dumbest, uninteresting and most vapid things and the guys they’ll be talking to will be listing with rapt attention. They’re just happy the women is showing interest, even if what she’s saying is senseless.

So to a woman, I’d say don’t be mysterious if you like a guy, just talk and show sincere interest (but not eagerness). The only thing you need to be vague about is your ex-es, especially if you have one of those Mary J. Blige or Halle Berry neverending string of “my man done me wrong” sob stories. Same goes for “my ex was the best in bed and blew my back out on the regular” stories. Nobody wants to hear either of those.

By: Ava V

Ava V — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:51:52 +0000

is it just important for girls to stay mysterious?

Ava V’s last blog post..Seinfeld Phase 7?

By: T

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 20:59:50 +0000

by the way, i love your acquittal of owning a swimsuit magazine. can you do the same for my owning of 3 years worth of victoria secrets catalogs?

I’m so fucking transparent. Funny thing is, even as I wrote it I thought “Someone is SO gonna call me out for this lame justification.”

By: Smash

Smash — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 20:40:39 +0000

word. i’m sure wherever barry sanders is, he’s getting a helluva lot more trim than emmit smith.

by the way, i love your acquittal of owning a swimsuit magazine. can you do the same for my owning of 3 years worth of victoria secrets catalogs?

Smash’s last blog post..The Greatest Hip-Hop Producer of All-Time!

By: Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : More On The Power of Vagueness - Dating

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:20:56 +0000

[...] Kurdek, L. A. wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptI had a post recently called The Power of Vagueness, which you can find here. In the first post, I focused mostly on vagueness when it came to the political arena and only touched on it slightly in… [[ This is a content summary only. … [...]