This post is the first in a two-part series on madonna/whore complexes, both parts going up today, and it’s going to be video heavy, with five, yes five, 6-8 minute clips. So let me warn you up front, it’s going to be time-intensive, but it’s so worth it. Watch every video. Then read the analysis.
I was watching the Tyra Banks show a while back (don’t ask) and saw an episode on womanizers. In particular, it was about women confronting the womanizers who wronged them. It turned out to be a lot more interesting than I expected, as the two womanizers they showcased were actually night and day in terms of approaches.
The first womanizer is named Ahmed, and the woman “confronting” him had little bad to say about him:
This kind of surprised me. This is Tyra’s show, which is pretty feminist and “You Go, Girl!” so I thought they’d be totally setting up the guy to get punked and embarrassed and shamed. But the girl has no hard feelings and has nothing bad to say about them. A lot of the women in the audience seem to be disgusted and are shaking their heads in shame when they hear the woman saying nothing but nice things about Ahmed before he actually comes out, but once he does come out the audience and Tyra seem to warm up to him. He seems to be a guy who is very naturally good with them, and is brutally honest about who he is and what he wants. The most impressive thing about the whole exchange is the intellectual honesty of the girl. She doesn’t try to remake what happened into a narrative that makes her into a victim, makes him into a manipulative predator or excuses her from responsibility. She doesn’t seem to be lying to herself or the audience.
Then it got more interesting. They brought out the dude’s current girlfriend, to make her sit there on the couch with Ahmed and one of his past flings.
This guy is really master of his domain. Pretty unflappable, doesn’t seem to get unhinged or made nervous easily. Even Tyra’s relationship expert, whose job it probably was to bash the womanizers to score points with the audience, says he thinks the guy is a “good guy.” This is even after the details of his past cheating has been revealed.
The next womanizer is Shawn. The clips speak for themselves. First the intro to Shawn:
Shawn “out on the prowl:”
I’m not going to spend time dissecting Shawn’s approach and pointing out specific mistakes he makes, because honestly there are just so many in that short clip that it would require a whole separate post (if the commenters want to go ahead and dissect his awful game, go to town on it). But the guy is cheesy, kind of like a broke Bollywood Fabio. I’m talking cringe-inducing cheese. He’s playing a numbers game, and not very well to boot, and he does finally get some interest, but from a girl who seems somewhat cheesy and desperate too. Honestly, I think she’d be game for any half-decent guy who showed interest. She doesn’t really strike me as a very challenging target. And unlike Ahmed, he is horrible at handling Tyra, the crowd, the women on the panel, and Tyra’s relationship expert. He also gets defensive, which just digs his hole deeper.
So I’m watching the fucking Tyra Banks show and shockingly it’s intrigued me way more than I ever expected to be intrigued by a Tyra Banks show. I felt a real mystery here: why were these two guys so night and day in their approaches and the responses they got from the crowd? What was the X-factor that allowed Ahmed to excel that Shawn lacked? My guess, based on some preexisting theories of mine about men and women, was that Ahmed was probably a guy who was a “natural,” someone who is naturally good with women, while Shawn was a late bloomer who tried to teach himself to be a player later in life, did a bad job and ended up with creepy, cheesy results. But because he’s articulate, shameless and probably approaches a LOT of women, he’s gotten his share of successes and thinks he’s better than he actually is. But if you compared the number of women he hooked u with to the number of women he approached, you’d see he probably gets a low return on investment. Plus the quality is probably not as good as it could be because he seems to be doing more of a numbers game than trying to go for quality. Most importantly, I figured like most naturals Ahmed had some issues with his mother, while I figured Shawn the cheeseball was a mama’s boy. This is a theory of mine, that men who are naturally good with women usually have some sort of mother issues that creates an emotional detachment in the mother-son link, while most late bloomers are mama’s boys who are very emotionally attuned to their mothers and put them on pedestal.
I figures this would just remain speculation, as I couldn’t imagine Tyra digging deep enough to find out about Ahmed’s relationship with his mother. After all, this is daytime fluff TV. But to her credit, then came the next part, which touched on exactly that. You can watch all of the following clip if you want to see the shenanigans of Dick Masterson, professional chauvinist, but the key part for the purposes of this blog post starts at 4:45:
Tyra: So you say that marriage is not biological for a man and x,y,z, but tell me…there’s a reason why you think in your life with your childhood as to why you are a womanizer…?
Ahmed: I think there is a detachment with me and my feelings when it comes to women, based off of maybe feeling a void I did what i did. At a young age me and my mother were tight, she was a single parent, and she was independent and I looked up to her. She was my mother and my father. She did what she had to do, masters’ degree, blahblahblah. Then she got married, then put her career and herself on the back burner for a man, had his kids and he just broke out on her. So misery loves company, and I didn’t like that, and I was neglected in the situation, so ever since then, I was like “You know what, I might do what I do, but–
Tyra: Did you become detached from your mother?
Ahmed: Yes, me and my mother didn’t get along. So I left at a young age and ever since then my attitude was like “[Fuck] women”…
Tyra: If you had a different childhood, do you think you’d be a different man?
Ahmed: I think so. I think all my friends that are cool with their mothers and respect their moms have a different outlook when it comes to dealing with women.
I’m going to post part 2 to this series later on tonight, where I discuss naturals, late bloomers, and their relationships with mothers, and what it all has to do with the madonna/whore complex.