Cooking Shows Are Chick Porn
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I was channel surfing and came across the Food Network. I stopped and watched one of the shows, as an awesome meal was being prepared on the screen and something made me want to look at it a little longer. As I watched this culinary masterpiece being prepared right before me eyes, it made me wonder: why do people torture themselves with cooking shows? One of the judges on this show put some of the finished product in his mouth and made this crazy o-face and actually used the word “orgasmic” and then it hit me: cooking shows are socially acceptable porn for chicks.
Both cooking shows and porn are poor substitutes for the real thing. Like porn, people usually opt for cooking shows when the real thing is unavailable. Both offer a more sensational, exciting and escapist version of a real life necessity. Both work you up to such a sensory frenzy that you end up settling for a subpar release. With porn, that subpar release is masturbating. In the case of cooking shows, that subpar release is the leftover Popeye’s chicken in the fridge. Porn offers some tricks you say you may try to make your real-life sex more exciting, but the truth is you rarely will (usually because unless your significant other is really cool like that, you’ll scare the shit out of him or her). Cooking shows offer tips to make your cooking better, most people are too lazy to really incorporate it into their cooking. Both make your current options look subpar in comparison. Iron Chef is orgy porn. And that closeup when the noncooking person puts the food in their mouth and does that crazy o-face at the end? The money shot. Ya smell me?
Guys, use this on your girl next time she finds your porn stash and let me know how it goes. I don’t think it’ll help much, but let me know anyway.
(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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*gasp of horror* I watch Iron Chef with my kids!!! I am not watching porn with my kids, no no no. LOL! You just want that o-face from lips on you, dude. Smear it with chocolate. LOL!
J R M’s last blog post..Not sure if it was a good idea or a bad one
Reply to J R MI hate cooking shows. Unless I’m actually present in the audience of said cooking show, guaranteed a taste of the dish, forget it. Cooking shows are my mother’s crack and it’s actually fun to watch her watch them.
I do confess. I used to watch Justin Wilson, this Cajun cooking show guy. I watched him because of his accent.
Heather’s last blog post..This is All I’ve Got
Reply to Heather[...] Cooking Shows Are Chick Porn [...]
JRM - I just have too much free time on my hands sometimes. Then my mind goes weird places.
Heather - Cooking shows are torture to me, because I’m a glutton. I just can’t stand looking at all that food that I can’t make and can’t get via delivery. Fuck that!
Reply to TGreat post. You didn’t take the discussion to its logical conclusion, however. That’s right: PORNOGRAPHIC COOKING SHOWS! It’s such a natural fit. So many foods are aphrodisiacs for chicks and I’m always in the mood for a sammich post-coitus. Surprised we haven’t seen this on HBO latenight or something.
Reply to SmashLOL!
I really don’t think that’ll work.
Brownngirl’s last blog post..Call a Spade a Spade.
Reply to BrownngirlThat would be hot, Smash. They prep the food, put it in the over, then they’re all like “Well, we’ve got 30 minutes until it’s done, now what do we do?” Then the porn music kicks in then they get to bangin. Then just after dude pops off, ding! Food’s done. Then they eat.
We need to get on this.
Reply to Triiiiight! there you go. it combines the best of ALL worlds. you also have an element of suspense in that the bangin needs to get done in let’s say 25 minutes…but perhaps the couple starts getting carried away. Viewers are like: “Ah yeah this is great…but that bunt cake is gonna be burnt to a crisp!”
i definitely need to talk to someone about this.
Smash’s last blog post..Introduction
Reply to SmashAlright, as much as cooking shows are chick porn, I would totall help Rachael Ray cook something up in the kitchen if she showed up dressed like that.
Sornie’s last blog post..Earn points in the 2008 death pool
Reply to SornieI would have cosigned that until I heard her voice one day.
Reply to TWell, that’s true in the case of most Food Network shows, anyway. The big exception would be Alton Brown’s “Good Eats”, because he’s funny, smart, and the show is as much about education and goofy camera angles and pop culture parody as it is about recipes. Also, Jacques Pepin’s recent “Fast Food My Way” series was also remarkably free of that particular vibe.
But as for the “food travel” shows like “Rachel Ray’s Tasty Travels”…jesus, that’s not even regular porn, that’s “money shot compilation” porn. They don’t even cook the dang food, they sit in the restaurant and order it and eat it in front of you and tell you how good it is.
James Boelter’s last blog post..T-Mag: Protect Your Peroneals! (Ankle Stability and Mobility)
Reply to James BoelterLOL @ “money shot compilation porn”
Reply to T