About


This is a site dedicated to observing and analyzing human behavior and the nature of social interactions. Theories about why we do the things we do in relationships, the workplace, with strangers, in nightclubs and bars or anywhere people socialize and try to get along. To the best of my ability, I’m going to try to give credit to the people I get social theories from and recommend books for further reading.

The page will be updated a few times a week, but not on a daily basis unless I’m feeling particularly inspired. You can subscribe to receive new posts in your email inbox by entering your email address below:

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Enjoy.

3 Responses to “About”


  1. Hi T! There is a personality type theory that I think you would find interesting. It answers the age-old question: “Why do people say and do the things they?” It is a viable applicable theory that can be used in any situation. Not only will you understand why people do the things they do, but also be able to predict what they would do in any given situation.
    This is not some silly basement-created theory. If you are interested I would invite you read about The Theory of 3 Personality Types. I’d be interested to know what you think.

    Here is a link for your curiosity:

    http://wakefielddoctrine.wordp.....-ringsurf/

    Look forward to hearing from you!
    Jennifer


  2. The “Principles of Social Competence” e-book from Manhood Academy was a good recommend. Thank you!


  3. Hello T.

    Let me start by saying that I accidentally stumbled upon your blog and was duly impressed. Hence I decided to ask for your opinion on a vexing ex but not forgotten relationship of mine.

    Before the long rundown, I’ll say I’m on a self-improvement path. I stalled on quite a few aspects and need to catch up. I am not a PUA and will probably never be one. I have incorporated certain mind frames into my personality and I’m ok with that. Here goes:

    This topic concerns a relationship that started some 14 years ago and in some ways, has never ceased.

    I am in my late 40′s. No family issues, good education, solid career – up to a point. Never had any issues with the opposite sex, two long-lasting relationships and numerous short ones. All within the societal “norms”. Show me one 100% – as per the mainstream definition- healthy one and I will show you pink stars.

    She is in her late 30′s. Affluent background, well educated. I came to know her via rumor. The story begins in 1998, when I met and was invited into the confidence of a quite gifted individual who soon enough became a very close friend. We had similar interests and excellent understanding with each other. She was his girlfriend.

    They were on and off together for seven years, in a vicious circle of repeated infidelities, excuses, pardons and new beginnings. My friend kept up pretenses, but inwardly a wreck. As I valued him highly, I could not fathom his attachment onto such a viral creature. Little did I know..I became his confessor.

    Every so often, we would have drinks at night and he would recount her latest exploit. She would take pains to quickly phone him and announce whom she got into bed with that particular night. (At that time she was working on her dissertation abroad). She had a special fondness for his friends.

    Over some holiday, I finally met the dreaded she-devil – her nickname among our circle. She was everything I was expecting and much worse. Loud, flagrantly provocative,quite theatrical and flirting right left and center. I wondered that evening why on earth would he abide her.

    Roughly a year passed under similar circumstances. After each transgression of hers, he would go mad and assure me this is the end. Never happened. Three months before she was due back home, she saw fit to “entertain” a visiting friend – a close friend to both of us. The afflicted was livid. I was trying to be supportive. He called it the Finale. I believed him.

    After her permanent return, they were off-relationship but still hang out, amongst the greater circle of friends. That’s when circumstances brought her and I into closer proximity. Of course, I was guarded, I was the one with the most excessive knowledge why to steer clear of her. Nevertheless, the frequent contact – over a board game with the rest of the friends – led me to discern that something was lying there underneath the mantle of deceit and misery. Something different, a wounded softness that cried to be heard. Overtime, the feeling was compounded. She made overtures.

    I came to realise that I wanted to explore, to probe deeper. A gut feeling, if you may. {By the way, I am quite empathic. I take time to study people. I feel their pain and joys. I dare say that I have (in small measure) helped certain individuals along their paths in life.} In my book there was no way that this could take place without the consent of her ex, my best friend.

    One day, we met and I posed the question. Would you mind if I and her etc etc? I pressed the point for two hours. Hitherto, we never stalled to speak our minds to each other. He was adamant. And a pretty good liar. I was satisfied that it was ok.

    Her and I became a couple. Our friends were riven into two groups, those who sided with my (now former) best friend and those who sided with me. This rift exists even today and has deprived me of some dear friends.

    Irregardless, we were together. At start, I remained guarded, she was dotting. We spent some months exploring each other in a passionate context. However, I liked what I saw. She was changing. Manners, language, dress codes, hair style. She was becoming a totally different being.

    I had evaded her pleas to tell her that I love her for months. Still was unsure due to foreknowledge. One day though, over something quite trifling, her armor cracked for good. I had evidenced a rebirth. Her transformation filled me with joy, for she came to be the personal ideal in what I seek in a female companion – and then some. We got a house, and created our nest.

    For three years, she gave me utter joy and fulfillment. I lived for her and she for me. And I came to love her beyond measure.

    I feel that two remarks are needed here; firstly, I worked for that outcome. I made it my task to make this woman happy. I spend untold hours studying her, her mood shifts, her body language, her facial expressions. I could sense her desires/fears before they manifested. I say this in all humility, I came to know her mind – but not its entirety as it came to pass.

    Secondly, all the feelings I convey above are subjective. The reader may decide that an alternative meaning is valid. Nevertheless, I sensed them, experienced them, lived them. They are as real to me as anything on this world.

    A few months shy of our third year together, we bumped on ex/ex and his entourage at the movies. Polite conversation ensued. Got a gut feeling again. Soon enough, she asked for my permission to have a coffee with him. I deemed it reasonable in view of their past. Then another such request. I raised an eyebrow. And another.. We started arguing over this. She said that she realises it’s not fair but she has to do it.

    I was still ensconced in that impervious comfort of Eden that could not be lost, although alarms had started ringing. One evening she said she’s going out with a girlfriend. Gut feeling again – I checked her cel and verified she’d arranged a meeting with him. I exploded. Upon confronting her on her return, she acted as if nothing serious had happened and I was making too much of a fuss.

    This is already getting too long so I will spare the minutiae of our loss of Eden. Suffice it to say that she started a a gradual relapse into her former self, every day killing a part of hers that I loved.

    I left her on December 2002. I left to preserve dignity, sanity, memory and faith. In hindsight, with the information I have had access to since then, perhaps it was the wrong decision to make. Perhaps it was a call for help. Perhaps I did not walk the walk. This nags me to this day.

    Some token calls and smss, a couple of meets. Then she asked for n/c. I respected her wish. Eleven years passed since then. Never sought to learn of her news, but feint whispers confirmed that she was back together with her ex and still pursuing a path of destruction.

    Personally, this past decade has been one of desolation. Energy levels at bare minimum. Lost too many things to even mention. One thing I gained is even more empathy. I soul searched myself and dug out surprising stuff. Much more aware of who I am and what I want of this life.

    Since our break up, I carry her inside. Every minute,hour and day. I’ve grown numb to the pain, kind of feels normal. Every day I hear her screams. However, If I close my eyes and think of her smiling, I smile back.

    Two week ago, out of nowhere we met. At a singular mutual friend’s drinks outing. She had the ex in tow. I felt a jolt of pain for she looked as the predator of yore. I also felt happiness to see her no matter the circumstances. For some reason I felt in peace with myself.

    She sat at my table with all milling around us. The ex was throwing anxious looks. I made no subconscious or explicit effort to play it cool for I saw no reason to. I fixed my gaze on hers. She started crying. I kept staring. She turned to all and said that I was one of the biggest loves of her life. I kept staring. She took my cel, inputted her number and vice versa. She asked if I’m seeing anyone. I said no. She whispered “where are you now?” I replied “you know”. She cracked. And I saw feint glimpses of the woman I once knew. I probed some more on themes I knew would elicit response. She cracked further but now I saw fear in her eyes.

    I let a week go by. Then I texted and asked for her email. No response. I phoned her the next day. I heard claws. To the effect of “Im otherwise busy, forget my email, forget this number”. I was taken aback. Another text met with a similar response.

    It is understandable that all stitches I managed to put together over the years came undone. All the while, I wrote a draft that is a testimony of how beautiful she is once she chooses to be so. And what she means to me. Somehow I’ve managed to bypass her curfew and she now has access to it. Have no clue if she read it but I’m counting on curiosity. * In hindsight, perhaps a tactical error.

    Situation as of today: NC for a month now.

    I sense feelings are still there within her. What numbed me for a time was the contrast of her palpable interest during our public meet vs the outright coldness/hostility in the subsequent comms. C

    an well (now) understand that in the relationship run I became more smug and settled. I was a predator when I swept her off her feet. Could it be she rationalised me as the culprit for ending the relationship hence her anger? We are now 1 month in NC mode. The last interaction was the adore-mentioned draft.

    I would appreciate your insights. It should be obvious that although I have come to terms with co-dependence, limerence and inner core issues, I wish to exhaust all effort on having another try with her. Call it gut instinct if you will.

    Thanks for the long read.

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