A Work In Progress: The Raw Truths
(Latest additions to this ongoing list appear below in red)
#1. When people admonish you to “be more original,” what they really mean is “be more like me.” When people admonish you to “be a free thinker,” they really mean “try to think more like me.”
#2. Everyone knows you can’t turn a ho into a housewife…but turning a housewife into a ho ain’t no picnic either.
#3a. Always keep this in mind when trying to win someone’s love or respect: people care more about how you treat yourself than how you treat them. If you treat someone better than you treat yourself, especially if you help them at great expense to yourself emotionally, financially or psychologically, they will actually end up loving and respecting you less.
#3b. If you treat someone better than they think they deserve to be treated, they will punish you for it. You may think treating someone better than they think they deserve to be treated will raise their self-esteem and make them see themselves in the same great way you see them. This is not the case. Most of the time, they end up losing respect for you for seeing such great things in them that they are unable to see in themselves, and they label you as weak, foolish, naive or in possession of poor judgment and will try to punish you for it. Oftentimes they are so sure they’ll disappoint you eventually and prove unworthy of the faith you placed in them that they self-sabotage things (consciously or unconsciously) sooner rather than later just to get the “inevitable” disappointment over with. That is why so many relationships where a girl tries to redeem a hopeless bad boy with her love or a guy tries to play Captain Save-a-Ho with some hard luck case girl usually end up with the charity case dragging down the rescuer rather than the rescuer redeeming the charity case. This human nature tendency is perfectly illustrated in the famous Grouch Marx quote “Please accept my resignation. I don?t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.”
#4. People see weakness in a woman and their natural instinct is to protect from harm and nurture it until it’s strong. People see weakness in a man and feel revolting disgust and their natural instinct is to crush it out of existence and get it out of their sight as soon as possible. (This is a paraphrase of a quote by Norah Vincent, author of Self-Made Man: One Woman’s Year Disguised as a Man
#5. Brutal self-awareness can go a long way toward overcoming a surprising amount of personal shortcomings. Consider the following generic statement: He is [x], but he knows that he is [x], and that almost makes him [not-x]. Let’s see some specific illustrations. John is stupid, but John knows that he is stupid, and that almost makes him smart. Jill is a cliche, but Jill knows she is a cliche, and that almost makes her unique. The substitution works with an astounding array of shortcomings.
Brutal self-awareness on it’s own is not enough to fix a shortcoming, decisive and directed action must be taken, but it goes a long way to fixing it and is a major first step most of us never achieve.
(The following two are the latest additions. I wrote it all stream-of-consciousness, so please refrain from any nitpicking over semantics or any of that other intellectual hair-splitting and pedantry that so often passes for higher discourse these days. I am quite aware of how coarse and unpolished they are, too coarse to ever serve as usable ideology or rhetoric, but there’s something undeniably raw, universal and honest about them that makes me want to publish them as is)
#6. People at all times need someone to feel superior to and someone to feel inferior to. The most powerful and charismatic forces of nature among us have typically been those who can excite both sentiments in us at the same time, often in the form of a single, romanticized polarizing figure: contempt and worship in the same breath. Hatred and lust. Reverence and disgust. Revulsion and attraction. Elicit just victim imagery and you cease to be taken seriously. You’re just trash no one wants to acknowledge. But elicit just winner imagery and you will be taken too seriously. Suddenly people will start to notice all the things you have that they don’t. Your egalitarian ruse will be shaken to its foundation and you’ve become a target, no longer a bohemian, or even a bourgeous bohemian, just…bourgeous. You’ve become the Man in the Grey Flannel Suit, except the uniforms now a faded pair of Rock and Religions. You always have to portray the dual role of oppressor and oppressed. No matter how low on the totem pole we get, we derive comfort from knowing there is still lower. And no matter how high on the totem pole we get, we derive comfort from knowing their is still higher and we should never be held totally accountable for our life circumstances. It’s “bigger than us.”
In our quest to escape the same classist trappings we just ended up recreating them over and over again with new names and labels. None of this is new.
We create a psychological fiction for ourselves that gives us just enough control and individuality to take credit for those cultural forces that we may want to be associated with for future generations, but then we also reserve the right to call upon that victim mindset when convenient and we need to absolve ourselves for something that happened in the past.
People hate to have this balance shaken. This is why even men who appear to have it all on the surface will appear to go to unreasonable lengths in order to feel inferior to someone, to the point where they have to pay someone to debase them (BDSM). Because if you ever were to totally relinquish that victim mindset, not just symbolically or verbally, but truly relinquish it? Embrace true individual liberty and the chaos that comes with it? Then you have no one left to blame if at the end of the day it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to. If you give up your cultural and political scapegoats, strip them all away, the only thing left to blame at the end of the day for life not being as satisfying as it could be is you. And that scares the shit out of people. So next time you see someone who looks all-powerful and could want for nothing, remind yourself that he or she, too, is searching for someone to subconsciously assign the oppressive villain role to as well.
I’m not above this, with my baiting of liberals and feminists and racial ideologies, all the while pretending to be above the fray.
#7. There’s only one real culture war worth watching right now, and it’s a sideshow indeed: the angry bitter white male versus the guilty bitter white male. Most of us were tricked into thinking we had to choose sides in this great family battle. But we don’t. Even white males don’t have to predictably jump into their expected role in the whole matter. We all have our own family battles to work out. All we really have to do now, if you really want to get brutal about it, is just watch them tear each other to shreds. Our primary concern shouldn’t be how to emulate their neuroses or even hasten their neurotic collapse along but rather to just make sure our own houses are in order and primed to take advantage of whatever the new cultural, racial, societal landscape is going to be once the final Boomer exits the stage.
#8: No matter how you try to dress it up or ennoble it (or demonize it) throughout history, charisma boils down to one thing: Charisma is just the ability to make other people wholeheartedly buy into your narcissism. The ideologies, the mantras, the dogmas, all those are just excuses we use to rally behind the alpha dog we’d most like to visualize ourselves as.
#9: No matter how you romanticize the past through nostalgia, make no mistake, the most exciting time to be alive is NOW. It always has been NOW, whatever it may be that NOW represents to you. Because NOW is the only part of existence where we don’t know what comes next. What made the exciting eras of the past so exciting wasn’t the intellectual or moral or racial or ethical underpinnings to them. We make the mistake of chasing that when we chase nostalgia. What made those eras of the past so wonderful wasn’t knowing that things would turn out okay, it was the possibility for the people living in those eras that shit may not turn out okay.
#10. No success has ever happened without a healthy dose of self-promotion at some point. Some of us are cruder at it and more overt. Some of us make it look elegant and accidental. Most of us are just trying to find the balancing act between the two competing insanities (there is no objective sanity, just competing versions of insanity). You are not above it. Stop pretending you are above it and join the rest of us. Your heroes, no matter who they are, at some point in their lives were pimping the shit out of themselves to get noticed by someone. Anyone.
#11. It’s impossible to become wildly successful at something without ending up disillusioned by that very thing you thought would solve all your problems. This is why we can never be 100% happy.
#12a. Good-looking and rich people get away with more. And the dirty secret: they all know it. Even the ones who pretend they don’t. It’s not bad, it’s not good. It’s just life. Which leads to corrollary 12b.
#12b. Life’s not always fair. If you want to get mad at someone, get mad at the person who told you life would always be fair.
#13. Most of the opportunities you were denied in life aren’t because some big bad bogeyman withheld them from you. They didn’t come because you were too chickenshit to straight up ask for or demand them. Note that I said “most,” not “all.” This is not a wish fulfillment fairytale I’m preaching that will apply to every situation. Hard work and healthy self-promotion must be involved (see Raw Truth #10) And of course, the request has to remain remotely in the realm of possible reality. You have to be somewhat qualified or deserving of what you’re asking for. You can’t be an unemployed homeless guy and go apply for the job of CEO of a big company. And if you are competing for something against others who have accumulated more competitive advantages than you, then you may not get what you wanted at that particular point in time. And even if you are still deserving, you may still get overlooked because life isn’t always fair (see Raw Truth #12b). But the point remains and I stand by it, a majority of what me miss out on comes from not asking. No matter what temporary setbacks you receive, in the long run if you don’t embrace defeatism or reject yourself before others have chance to and keep asking for what you want and reasonably deserve, you will gain more opportunities than you miss out on.
#14. No city cries when you leave it. No city rejoices when you arrive. That’s something only families and friends can do. So get over yourself, you raging narcissist.
#15. There comes a time in every person’s life when they realize their parents may actually be more screwed up than they are. The fool finds this realization depressing and disheartening. The wise ones find it liberating and inspiring. Many of us grow up thinking our parents are infallible. We think our dad is the strongest man in the world. We think our mother is an all-knowing beacon of purity. And as we get older, we get more and more evidence that this is not true and feel betrayed. This is the source of most adolescent rebellion. But part of maturity is the realization that your parents were just doing the best they can, and were just human. And as a result, we no longer have to live up to these images of infallibility either. If we allow them to be free to be human and make mistakes, that also gives us the freedom to be human and make mistakes. Because so many of us nowadays are in perpetual adolescence though, many in our society are stuck in the adolescent rebellion stage where we can’t forgive the betrayal and disappointment we felt at the hands of our role models and elders for daring not to be infallible and perfect or for making mistakes. But this is a psychologically claustrophobic state and stunts your emotional development and leaves you trapped in a state of bitter reactionary helplessness. Embracing the fallibility and imperfection of your parents, role models and elders allows you to forgive them, let grudges go and move on, and it allows you to move on to the next stage of your life without the inevitable disappointment some unachievable perfect ideal to aspire to, thanks to the more grounded expectations you will now have.
16. Class and Power = Level of Control over matters of Sex, Death and Money. Every last negotiation and transaction in life, whether in a boardroom or a bedroom or a wedding chapel comes down to Sex, Death or Money. That’s it. Sex, Death or Money. Everything exciting? Had to do Sex, Death or Money. Everything enticing? Had t0 do with Sex, Death or Money. Everything that makes you warm and fuzzy? Had to do with Sex, Death or Money. Every memory that makes you weepy? Had to do with Sex, Death or Money. Every betrayal you received? Sex, Death or Money. Every spiritual moment you’ve had? Sex, Death or Money. Your greatest fear? The one that keeps you awake at night in a cold sweat? Sex, Death and Money. Conquer your anxieties about Sex, Death and Money and you can conquer anything. The unfulfilled in life are those who let their anxieties about Sex, Death and Money conquer them.
17. The less people you need to accomplish any task in life, the more power you have. The more power you have, the more you matter. That’s why people love the idea of God so much. Who has more power? Who matters more? Who needs the least people to accomplish any task they want to accomplish? God. That’s why the world worships Him so.
(53 votes, average: 4.28 out of 5)
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I totally agree.
I wouldn’t exactly say that. Some people can just pick up when what they are reading is forced or out of the comfort zone of the person writing it. Write what you know and are passionate about and you’ll sound informed and passionate.
sornie’s last blog post..It was a raucous caucus
i probably agree with the second part, but definitely not the first. if anything, i’d say that “be original” suggests “be LESS like me… or anybody else i’ve already seen/heard.”
i guess i’d need some examples or some kind of context to understand the scenario you’re trying to paint.
well, actually… let me rephrase that a bit.
i do believe that people are much more accepting of “unoriginality” when the unoriginal thought/behavior mirrors their own beliefs and preferences.
however, i don’t think that the exhortation to “be original” is necessarily saying “be like me.” it might be saying “be less like YOU,” though.
Uchenna – I’ll use some examples from my life. George Carlin said in a standup once that everyone who drives, no matter how they drive, thinks that anyone going slower than them is a grandma and anyone going faster than them is a reckless maniac. I think people are actually like that with EVERYTHING though. Like, with women, anyone who has more sex than they do is a whore, anyone who has less is a prude. For many guys anyone who’s less aggressive then they are is on the wimpy side and anyone more aggressive is a dick.
I think originality is the same. We all claim we respect originality, or think we are original, but when we come upon some REAL originality, we lock it up in insane asylums. Like, the hipster thinks he is original because he isn’t dressed like the preppy, but he’s surrounded by a bunch of like-minded hipsters with the same “original” sensibility. He may consider people who dress more mainstream than him to be lemmings and admonish them to be more original. But if that same hipster comes across a guy dressed even more outrageously, like in a pink-dyed potato sack covered with mohair and plastic crabs, he won’t congratulate him for originality, he’ll call him a nut. Or the progressive athiest thinks he is original because he doesn’t subscribe to Christianity like most of the nation. But he does his best to associate with people who look like him, live in the places he respects, read pro-Athiest books like God is Not Great By Christopher Hitchens and engage in predictable debates about religion. He’s unoriginal too, he’s just copying a different crowd. He’ll accuse the religious guy of being a lemming and not having an original thought, yet ironically enough he’ll give the religious guy a reading list of athiest books to read so that he can learn to be more original. That’s exactly the opposite of making someone be more original since you’re telling them to learn it from a book (meaning it’s not an original thought) and it’s a blatant attempt to make the person more like him. Now tell that same Athiest that you believe that global warming is caused by the combination of frog farts and cheeseburger fumes mixing in the atmosphere, he won’t think “Wow, I don’t agree with that guy, but I love his originality,” he’ll think “This guy’s fucking nuts.” I’m not particularly religious, but I just use athiests as an example because since the Hitchens book came out they’re the most egregious offenders of the “be more original” mindset.
So just like anyone driving slower than you is a grandma, anyone more traditional than you is a lemming. Just like anyone driving faster than you is a maniac speed demon, anyone displaying more originality than you is a weirdo. Since most of us consider ourselves to be original, we tend to judge people by how much in line their aesthetic and beliefs are to our sensibilities (just like we judge the drivers that drive at our speed to be the best drivers).
That was what I meant.
hmmm… okay, yeah. in that context, i definitely see what you mean.
Wow, T. *All* you guys, you, Roissy, Roosh, are knocking ‘em out the park these days.
*two gatts up*
That is why so many relationships where a girl tries to redeem a hopeless bad boy with her love or a guy tries to play Captain Save-a-Ho with some hard luck case girl usually end up with the charity case dragging down the rescuer rather than the rescuer redeeming the charity case.
I will never, ever, EVER forget the way I felt as a kid during the ending of “The Last American Virgin.”
TC
As I like to put it, it goes like:
I’M firm, YOU’RE stubborn, HE’S a goddamn sonofabitch.
or
I’M confident, YOU’RE aggressive, HE’S an asshole.
Ricky Raw, I salute you.
Next rule:
If you want something for somebody else more than they want it for themself, then they own you.
How about
5) There’s no reward for modesty/humility.
Whether in job interviews, dealing with women or even in general social circles being modest and downplaying or not even mentioning your accomplishments will not benefit you at all.
Perhaps it was the culture I grew up in, but it wasn’t until relatively recently that I throw in my achieved goals during conversations, in non-arrogant ways of course. When I brought up my accomplishments, properly framed of course, I started having more success career advancement-wise and dating-wise.
Gregg, Rtother – When I started this I didn’t consider using the comments section for reader suggestions, but this may be a good idea. Keep them coming people.
this is just great. I’m going to share it with my readers.
Related to many of the observations in your post: If you do something for someone, it won’t make him/her love you. On the contrary, it will make you love him/her. Corollary: To encourage someone to love you, ask for small, and increasingly large, favors.
http://search.barnesandnoble.c.....0312270179
Source for James’ comment and many other ‘raw truths’. You can read excerpts under Features.
3b is unfortunately very true.
Source – I never read Lieberman’s book or used it as a source. If I did I would have credited it like I did Norah Vincent’s book in truth #4. I always credit books I source and provide Amazon links for them. Look through this blog and you’ll see.
That being said, I’ll probably buy that book now. It looks damn good.
Never said you wouldn’t credit it. Just wanted to provide further information to the rather brief comment by James. Plus I wanted to make people aware of the book as it really is very insightful. No offense, mate
Oh, I see what you meant now. Sorry, my original comment was probably misleading. It should be read Here is the source for James’ comment and you can find other ‘raw truths’ there that you might or might not want to include. Not a native speaker
Ah ok, SOurce, just a little misunderstanding then.
Thanks for the book recommendation, I’m definitely checking that out.
I wish the writer was wrong, but from what I’ve LEARNT and not been TOLD (two, very different things). I’m afraid it sounds true.
Great website. I think its fair to let you know–if you don’t know already–that many of these aspects of human nature are the subject of serious study. I think you’d find more of these pearls if you picked up a good Social Psychology textbook, and read the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association.
This shits ridiculous.
Brilliant. I’m especially fond of #3.a. I try to tell women this all the time.
I have to say that I’m utterly shocked to actually find truth and insight on the Internet.
And you know this how?
The “insights” appear to be completely subjective. They fail to acknowledge the diversity of the behavior and believes which exist in reality.
As a predictive tool of individual behavior these “insights” are useless. As a predictive tool for groups they do not do much better.
What the piece DOES do is give us an insight into how you view the world and the people in it. I suspect that many people find you difficult to get along with but that you have little awareness of this.
For a better picture of the complexity of reality I would recommend that you do some reading in the area of the psychology of personality.
So your saying if I read in the area of psychology of personality, I’ll find everything I wrote here debunked? All respected psychology textbooks will claim that people with low self-esteem actually handle and respond to praise and good treatment very well? That there’s no such thing as a Madonna-whore complex that frustrates men? Your advice to read psychology textbooks is quite silly, since many of them say the exact things I said, just in clinical language.
I suspect your real problem is that you conflate something being unpleasant with something being untrue. Maybe that should be the next truth: “Just because something is unpleasant for you to fathom doesn’t automatically make it untrue.”
3a, 3b, 5 = agreed
I haven’t looked through all of this yet, but have you found any studies regarding women’s relationships with their father, and how it correlates with the relationships that they choose to have with men. if not, please do. if you do, link me. more people need to make this (slightly uncomfortable) connection to save themselves (and the friends that listen to them) pain.
Rtother:
5) There?s no reward for modesty/humility.
Not everyone is modest because they expect to be rewarded for it by other people.
Biggest load of garbage I’ve ever read. You’ve obviously had a horrible upbringing and been messed around by plenty of people, most likely as a result of your own immoral actions.
Opinionated bullshit. One can only pity your family, friends and colleagues.
When Trying to Win Someone’s Love and Respect……
The Rawness website has posted a list of axioms for life. I found #3.a. to be particularly relevant and a point which I have tried to make to people in unhealthy relationships for many years. Always keep this in mind…
I have to say that #4 is unfortunately very true. Women want us to just accept that they are just as strong as men, yet when a man wants be sensitive, they tell him that he needs to be more of a man. Thats basically giving women special privileges to be sensitive. Few women will tolerate men that are effeminate, yet women that emasculate themselves are just considered strong and independent women. Its sad, really, the way this happens.
Re #4, I totally agree with T., and Tyg13. Nearly every time I’ve shown weakness to a woman, she mocked me for it, at the very least thought less of me for it.
Ironically, guys are much more accomodating – I’ve had much better luck in confiding in guy friends, and found them much more respectful. And these are the same guys you can go out drinking with and have a great time – they aren’t pussies.
#2 – love it. Goes along with the “lady on the street, freak in the sheets” hip hop axiom that completely amuses me- (we can tell it’s early in the morning when I’m commenting this – I tackle the one that takes the least brainpower). My father-in-law always told his son, “find yourself a church girl. they’re the dirtiest.” Which would suggest that housewife-ho’s DO, in fact exist…delicate balancing act – to be appropriate parts both…especially for a generation of women taught to be neither. ahhh.
I am 43. I have had a wonderful, full life. I am happily married, have my own business, house, golden retriever, etc. (you get the picture)
I know these truths are painful. I know they rub some people the wrong way. But, they are absolutely true for the bulk of the population. I am sure you can find exceptions (and probably convince yourself that YOU are that exception). However, I am telling you to take these truths seriously. It will save you tons of BS in your life.
I Stumbled onto this blog. I am amazed. I have come to find out that the unfortunate programming in our DNA through evolution has allowed these truths to be valid. They are there for survival of the species….not to comfort us. As a matter of fact, if you start looking into books regarding Evolutionary Psychology, you will find similar studies.
I hate that these things are true. I “fought” them for many years. The fight is not sustainable against the huge tide. Don’t waste large, important chunks of your life trying to circumvent these. Adapt and evolve to the rules, or be discarded.
I have read your blog and all of the replies and I think that human nature lies somewhere in between the two extremes presented by you and the contrasting rebuttals.
I am currently in a cross cultural psychology masters program and evolutionary psychology is one of the areas that I’m most interested in. You argue that the truth is brutal and not all of us are ready to accept it. However, just because something is crude and brutal, does not necessarily make it 100% true either. You tend to oversimplify and give examples that are a little on the extreme side.
When a layperson attempts to play the role of a therapist and try to save a promiscuous woman that has been abused or smacked around by a crazed stepfather, then it will obviously take years of therapy and cognitive restructuring before that person is able to function in relationships and society in a healthy and stable manner.
In terms of what women expect from men, strength and leadership are indeed important qualities. Evolutionary psychology has taught us however that these are merely traits that help secure resources, which will in turn give women the confidence that those resources will be passed on to their offspring. In studies of virtually all societies on earth, whether they encouraged tranquility and femininity like some Asian cultures, or aggression and masculinity like many western cultures, Women always find money, resources, and the ability of acquiring those resources most desirable in a man. The main problem with your reasoning is that the traits you bring are no longer at the very top of the list. A man that is cultured, intelligent, socially agreeable, and rich is not necessarily the same man that is an aggressive leader. Of course CEO’s of major companies are usually testosterone pumped and aggressive, but for the most part the well educated upper social spheres are more in touch with their emotions. Studies show that couples that stay together the longest are those that are very precise about their communication in the relationship. Im starting to ramble but heres a good example. The man in a lower social sphere should be tough and an honorable fighter for example and it is often that man that will win over a girls heart. In a rich neighborhood with its own set of rules, it is the smartest man that avoids fights in order to not get arrested and keep his resources secure who is the most attractive to a woman. Even if he admits to his woman that he is scared of physical confrontation, he still has his money and upper class mannerisms to fall back on, which are much more important to her, and the communication is much more important for keeping the relationship stable.
I dislike the reasoning in 3b because it seems irrelevant. You are saying that it will blow up in your face if you worship someone with low self esteem. But why either worship them or treat them like shit? Those aren’t the only options available to you. You can work on improving their self esteem and the communication between the two of you rather than looking for a cynical approach of keeping them “in check”.
I’m really interested in all of what you had to say, and would greatly appreciate feedback, especially if you disagree with what I had to say or find any loopholes in my arguments, I like to have my views challenged. Furthermore I would like to see if what I learn in psychology stands up to practical reasoning and street smarts, and how to resolve any discrepancies between the two.
Take care – Matt
though pretty amusing, #5 makes use of faulty assumptions. the “if not A, then B” argument is not a valid one (unless there are only two categories). these categories that are made use of are not mutually exclusive, but rather are on continuum.
Matt – very good comment, but I’ll have to respond to you in-depth later because of the depth.
Brie – The fact that traits exist on a continuum is addressed by the “almost” part of the statement. For example, “he’s stupid, but he knows that he is stupid, and that ALMOST makes him smart.” The “almost” shows that his self-awareness makes him not quite totally stupid, yet not quite totally smart either, meaning he is now somewhere in the middle, which is the “continuum” you speak of. Reread the statement and you’ll see it’s actually not a black or white, either-or statement.
I agree with all the disagreements about the arguments of misinterpretation of the false facts that many believe to be true. Contradictions can be subtle and misleading if your observations are not well contrasted against other interpretation systems. My advice is to continuously perceive and compare the alignment of past with present classifications of thought in order to bring a future that is well aligned with universal thought.
6) You are going to die one day.
A lot of this stupidity is…well, stupid.
It’s an obvious sign of how depressed the majority has become.
Then the apathy shoots in, when we start “adapting to the rules of society”.
This is the same bullshit excuse you hear from middle aged office workers who have a so-called hippie spirit, I.E: they steal towels from hotels and listen to Boston while playing solitaire at the office. Yuck. The death of passion and emotion. If we have evolved into this type of being, and we hate it, why shouldn’t we use our entire lives for bettering our situation? As well as the lives of other people.
The last comment said “You are going to die one day.”
Yeah, so why not live a fight? Why be a whore for society and give up the fight, why conform to this bullshit? You’re just keeping things going. A person I knew once said that you can’t change the world but you can change your corner. Yes, for most people that is true, but perhaps we should do away with corners and ignore the “whole” and just do what we feel.
Its important to realize that you’re not always going to find someone who likes when you cry. But if you decide that you don’t give a shit how they react to it, then you go along way towards showing inner-strength.
A man who holds his emotions for 50 years is not a strong man. He cries in his tool-shed, when no one’s around.
A man who doesn’t care if his wife makes fun of him for crying because his own self-expression is more important to him is a strong person.
Matt:
Totally true, and something I try to stay aware of. It is very easy to fall into the trap that just because the truth is often brutal and unsympathetic, then the reverse is also truth and everything brutal and unsympathetic is always true. This fallacy is something I’m addressing right now in my Blacks and IQ posts.
Yes, I do. I like to make it as straightforward and nonacademic as possible.
Okay, so far we seem to agree.
Okay, now here’s where I begin to disagree. How do Asian cultures promote femininity and tranquility while Western cultures promote agression and masculinity? I think this is a trap intellectuals and progressives tend to fall into, this belief that Western civilization is selfishness and war while the East is all zen and yoga. I believe this stems from the mistake of judging the east by its purported spiritual beliefs while judging the West by its actions. If you were to primarily judge the west by its spiritual practices like Christianity, you’d find a society just as tranquil in theory as you claim the East to be. If you were to judge the East by their actions, you’d find societies as aggressive and dangerous and prone to war as you claim the West to be. Isn’t North Korea building nukes? Isn’t China building up its military and aggressively suppressing human rights and protest? And it’s not a recent development, warring states were the norm in China and Japan long before they ever came into contact with the West. And read about precolonial India and the cult of the Thugees. Don’t buy into the intellectual hype peddled in elite universities that the West somehow has a monopoly on aggression and war and machismo.
This does not disprove anything I’ve said. There are more ways to be weak than just physically. It’s not the rich guy’s upper class mannerisms that satisfy his woman, it’s his leadership and power. In his case, getting into a fight and risking his money and status would be a sign of weakness and low self-discipline, whereas with a low-status guy who has nothing to lose and no other way to exercise power, it’s a sign of strength. If your rich guy with upper class mannrerisms does not show mental toughness and leadership and is percieved as emotionally weak by his woman though, she won’t respect him, even if she stays with him. There is more to winning than just keeping your mate, the terms you keep her on are just as important. If the guy’s wife is keeping him just as a meal ticket that she just walks all over while spending his money and disrespecting him at will, he has lost, even if they stay together. I see many couples where the woman is around a rich weak man for status and publicly emasculates the man in front of mixed company at will.
Matt, where did I say the only choices were either to worship someone or treat them like shit? I never claimed those were the only two options available to you, YOU were the one that read that into what I wrote. Not worshipping someone in no way means you have to treat them like shit either.
Thanks for your response Matt. i appreciate the thought you put into it.
dsdd – I didn’t have time to clarify what I was trying to say with that one sentence, but I do think we agree on many things (I find this list a little on the superficial side). I think what I’m trying to say is since nothing we do truly matters (we’re gonna die anyways), we can do anything. ANYTHING. Why do we think that infants are oh-so-full of potentials? IT’S BECAUSE THEY KNOW NOTHING. Many people think the perpetuation of the human species is of the utmost importance, but EVEN THE HUMAN SPECIES IS GOING TO END ONE DAY. Then what? THEN WHAT? I’m not telling you to obey/consume/sleep/be cynical/fight/change the world, etc. What I’m saying is EVEN WHATEVER YOU CURRENTLY BELIEVE IN MATTERS NIL. Something only matters because it matters TO YOU. If you choose to forge your own destiny, good for you. If you choose to obey the collective unconsciousness instead, that’s also good. Nothing is inherently good or bad anyways, it only becomes good or bad when you think it to be.
I know I come off like a crackpot rambling, but I’m gonna blame that on my limited English skills.
I read this as a satire piece, what’s with you people?
[...] Some Raw Truths (The Rawness) [...]
6. Very true, this is why a sexy but vulnerable Marilyn Monroe and the tough but brooding Brando became icons
Your 3b reminds me of the old adage that the best way to get another person to like you is to have him or her do a favor for you, not vice-versa. Along with #4 it helps explain why “Nice Guys” have so little luck with women. [Note: in my 20's I was a Nice Guy. I'd sell my soul if I could go back in time and change that aspect of me.]
I’ve read iterations of 1-5 multiple times already, but 6-9 were gloriously refreshing. I had a couple thoughts -
#6 People need someone to feel superior to and someone to feel inferior to, very accurate dichotomy. Although I think it is better put by saying people need to feel superior and feel inferior, for both desires can be satisfied (often simultaneously!) by the same person/group. Nerds like to be respected for their intelligence but adopt geeky behaviors to compensate for that value. People tend to choose very characteristic, predictable comportments by which to be taken as superior or taken as silly. This is because they find a behavior they are comfortable with being accepted as good at or bad at, and stick with it. Social proof. If you are trying to exhibit dominance, it may be a better idea to do it in the field the other person is not well-versed at.
#8 http://thelastpsychiatrist.com.....ut_po.html
#5 “Every thought, action, decision or feeling creates an eddy in the interlocking, interbalancing, ever-moving energy fields of life, leaving a permanent record for all of time. This realization can be intimidating when it first dawns on us, but it becomes a springboard for rapid evolution.” – David Hawkins
I recommend any book by David Hawkins if you haven’t read him yet. He has a very solid grasp on human ethology.
We create a psychological fiction for ourselves that gives us just enough control and individuality to take credit for those cultural forces that we may want to be associated with for future generations, but then we also reserve the right to call upon that victim mindset when convenient and we need to absolve ourselves for something that happened in the past.
“There are very few of us who don’t turn our habits into virtues. And even fewer who don’t turn ‘necessity” into “free will’.” — Christopher S. Hyatt
3a. is definitely my favorite. so you view yourself, thus will others. however, we are raised to spot the charlatan, the falsely confident, the unrightfully arrogant….so thus the self-belief must be narcisism….otherwise, the only thing worse than being overly confident is pretending to…and everyone hates a faker.
Does revenge have a place in the scheme of things.
People see weakness in a woman and their natural instinct is to protect from harm and nurture it until it?s strong. People see weakness in a man and feel revolting disgust and their natural instinct is to crush it out of existence and get it out of their sight as soon as possible.
Truer words were never spoken. You always need to keep an objective perspective and think about how this person (woman) perceives you and what illusions must be maintained. Not to say that you need to be dishonest, but you have family and buddies to go to when you need to vent your spleen and get a boost. A momentary weakness with a woman will taint her view of you forevermore.
alphadominances last blog post..Sept. 18th, 2008 The day the world stood still: What the fuck do we do now?
Yes, and there’s way more conformity among Goths in the way they dress than in the population at large.
Fred?spheres last blog post..Alas, Atlantis!
This blog is changing my life. Seriously. I’ve been in a few situations lately that required a little toughness. My old self would have given the other guy an opening to blame me for problems not really my fault. I had to steel myself and remember what I’ve learned here, and I’ve done better. Not perfect, not yet, but better.
Seriously.
I don’t get the critics in the comments. They don’t seem to realize this is about how things are, not how they should be.
This prompts the question: should you be above it? Is the Nietzschean ideal the correct one? Can any human achieve autonomy? Is any attempt to do so doomed to disaster? I know what my answer is; what’s yours, T?
Fred?spheres last blog post..Alas, Atlantis!
You know I love you, T., but what I really enjoy about your blog is how general you can be when you’re making these grand statements. There’s nothing wrong with generalizations, of course, but it helps to be aware of them. I’m thinking of #4 specifically, which a few people have said IS TOTALLY TRUE, but it’s not in my case. You can say, “Yeah, well, deep down inside, your wife doesn’t really respect you because you’re not a manly man,” but that’s just ignoring the evidence of our 15-year marriage and the fact that we can share our feelings with each other without worrying that one isn’t going to respect the other. Again, you’ll say I’m just living in a dream world, but you haven’t met every woman in the world, and neither have I. What you call “biology” might simply be conditioning, and everyone can break their conditioning. While I agree with you quite a bit, your generalizing vexes me because generalizations are far too easy, and life is far too complex.
Isn’t it more fun to discuss comics anyway?
Greg Burgass last blog post..What I’ve been reading
Greg holds a special place to me because he was the guy who first made me want to blog. One of his blog posts a few years ago was the first blog post I ever responded to in my life.
Greg, I think you probably sell yourself short in your blog comment above. You may show vulnerability at times and share your emotions, which one should with their significant other, but that is different than wallowing in your emotions you woman to the point of whining incessantly, which is what I was talking about in #4, and which I can’t imagine you doing. Like, there are guys who are more emotionally high maintenance than their wives. From what I know of you from reading your blog, even though you may not consider yourself excessively macho, you’ve never given me the impression of being exceedingly “emo” either, or being an emotionally self-indulgent whiner.
I am not against occasional vulnerability by men in relationships, we’re human after all, but it should never be approaching or surpassing the level of emotional vulnerability shown by one’s woman. That’s when I think it backfires.
T. AKA Ricky Raws last blog post..A Question to the Readers
Ah, I see what you mean. Whining incessantly would get on one’s nerves, wouldn’t it? I’m not sure if it has anything to do with what a woman wants or if it’s more that nobody likes a whiner, but I understand your point.
Greg Burgass last blog post..What I’ve been reading
Could you argumentate this?
I’ll edit the original entry to do just that, Antony.
So disturbingly true. A couple more variants of this include: “Be more open-minded!” and “Don’t be so closed-minded!” Especially popular with ultra-liberals. No, it’s not that you have standards and reasonable limits, it’s that your mind is too closed!
Yet if you present concepts to them that are outside of their “tolerant” ideology, their mind snaps shut tighter than a bear trap.
A good counter saying to the old adage of “A mind is like a parachute….” is “Your mind can be so open that your brains fall out!”
I should’ve expected that. I was being so impatient because of conflicting feelings I had about this topic just last week.
Thank you
Actually Antony, don’t feel bad. I was going to leave it as it was until you pointed out that the meaning wasn’t as clear as I originally thought it was. I changed it precisely because you asked for clarification.
That Word Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means…
When a band tells you they want a “creative” member who is “full of ideas”, you might think that they want someone who can write and arrange material, preferably someone with good creative problem-solving skills. However, we are dealing with Newspe…
A Raw Truth Illustrated in Song…
People see weakness in a woman and their natural instinct is to protect from harm and nurture it until it’s strong. People see weakness in a man and feel revolting disgust and their natural instinct is to crush it out of existence and get it out of t…
Quickly, in re: to #4:
GENDER IDENTITY IS NOT BASED ON BIOLOGY. Do a meta-analysis of all the multiple studies conducted into the differences in behavior of males and females and you will find that the conclusions are negligible, showing a SLIGHTLY (like, .2 percent) higher activity level and aggression in the case of males ON AVERAGE.
Men are a not hard wired to be confident and emotionless. Gender differences persist because the majority of children are still being raised and taught in early development by almost entirely women. If you want young men to be able to express their emotions, and young women to accept that expression, young children need male childcare so they can see men behaving in a way that does not conform to gender stereotypes and thus learn that gender stereotypes are STUPID, just like the idea of biological derivation that perpetuates them.
I really don’t see how every transaction in life comes down to sex, death or money. That seems to me like a gross oversimplifications of things.
For example if John is sad because his friend Bob left town, I’m really not sure what that has to do with sex, death, or money.
Relationships, friendships, memberships in organizations and causes and anything else that takes us out of the realm of solitude and involves us in something larger than ourselves serves the function of distracting us from death.
Loneliness eats away at you and your health. Some scientists believe exscessive loneliness over a long enough time period can actually lead to an earlier death. Loneliness puts us in a morbid mindset as well. And most importantly, loneliness makes it harder to distract ourselves from our inevitable deaths. Friendships distract us from death and morbid thoughts of our fleeting existence and eventual end.
really? because I don’t think about death when I’m lonely.
Loneliness does not put me in a morbid mindset, and honestly it seems like you just made that up because then you have an easy out of saying any activity not dealing with death is just a distraction from thoughts about death.
And I don’t think people who aren’t afraid of death all of a sudden stop engaging in any sorts of activities.
What evidence is there to suggest that friendships merely serve to distract us from death?
What do you mean loneliness doesn’t put you in a morbid mindset. Loneliness IS by definition a morbid mindset. If what you’re feeling doesn’t put you in a morbid mindset, then what you’re feeling is not in fact loneliness. What you are saying is the equivalent of saying “joy doesn’t put me in a happy mindset” or “depression doesn’t put me in a morbid mindset.” Joy is by definition a happy mindset, depression is by definition a morbid mindset. You can’t separate the feeling from the mindset. The same goes for loneliness, it’s by definition morbid.
The problem I think you are having is that you are conflating being alone with being lonely. I can be totally alone, without a person around for miles, but not feel lonely. I can be totally surrounded by tons of neighbors, coworkers, acquaintances and family members and feel completely lonely.
I totally believe that you can be ALONE and not be in a morbid mindset. This is probably what you’re actually experiencing. But no one can be lonely for a long period of time without ending up in a morbid place.
This would be too long an answer to put in a comment. But if you find my immortality drive series on this blog you can see more of my thoughts on this. Or better yet, read this book which lays out the argument that most of what we occupy ourselves with in life ultimately serves the purpose of distracting ourselves from inevitable death:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Denial_of_Death
And as far as studies proving that we are driven to seek out social connections and avoid loneliness for the sake of our health and well-being, here are some links:
http://health.usnews.com/artic.....ealth.html
http://psychcentral.com/news/2...../2882.html
http://www.webmd.com/balance/n.....our-health
http://www-news.uchicago.edu/r.....ness.shtml
http://panicdisorder.about.com.....liness.htm
loneliness is only a morbid mindset by definition if you take morbid to mean depressing, gloomy, etc. But to then to say this has anything to do with death is nothing more than an equivocation.
As for the second part, I clearly haven’t had time to look thoroughly over all the links, but so far as I can tell none of them actually show that we interact for the sake of our well-being and health. What they show is that being alone can have negative effects on our well-being and health.
But these two concepts are actually quite different. Drinking red wine might reduce my risk of cancer, but even if that’s true that doesn’t mean I drink red wine BECAUSE it reduces my risk of cancer. Playing soccer may make someone more healthy, but to go from that to saying that they play soccer because it makes them unlhealthy is an unsupported leap.