31 Days of Game: Day 18
Don’t use self-deprecating humor except in rare occasions.
The only time self-deprecating humor is acceptable is either when it’s blatantly not true or when it’s obvious you’re a confident person and don’t really buy into what your saying on any level.
An example is a guy I knew who was musclebound and would occasionally make 98-lb weakling jokes. They would make people laugh, but they didn’t hurt him at all because you could just look at him and tell he didn’t really believe them. But another positive was that it was a subtle way to call attention to his physique without overtly bragging about it, so long as he didn’t do it very often.
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Self-deprecating humour is subtle art indeed.
It seems obvious, but a lot of men make this mistake. It seems that men are always making fun of their own shortcomings. When something like that comes up, just own up to it without any sort of joking or apology. If you apologize, it makes you look weak and the chick loses interest. If you joke, she might see through the fact that you’re using humor to hide a weakness, or at the very least, she’ll be suspicious so she’ll shit test you. If you state the facts without apology, you look strong and secure in that fact that you can’t dance, or knit or play the banjo or whatever stupid hoop she tried to trick you into jumping through.
Good advice, but I’m not so sure about this musclebound example. This has the danger of coming off as non-genuine if you’re obviously built, and that you’re just fishing for compliments.
I agree that self-deprecating humor works in small doses, but make it a genuine vulnerability and be a generally high value person.
Keep it up! This series of posts is awesome
Eh, I don’t know. the art of self-deprecation is way to contextual to make any rules about.
Nietzsche has a maxim about a worm doubling up when it is stepped on. in the language of morality: humility. humility is very smart. humility is also very attractive. your premise suggests that humility and confidence are two separate things, but i think false self-deprecation and false confidence is more of the throughline you’re looking for. people don’t like weakness, and falseness/deception is an attempt to cover up or evade fear/doubt/weakness. sometimes self-deprecation (also passive-aggressive nonsense) feels like weakness.
but being authentic, yourself, whether you are reserved or outspoken, will always be a hit with the opposite sex (or same sex, i imagine, any intimate partner). there’s still the matter of personal taste. and this is all in the realm of seeking out real relationships with real people. drunken one-offs are a different sport.
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I’ve thought about this for a few minutes and so far the ONLY situation where I think self-deprecation makes sense is when you’re starting to risk over-stating your qualities/status, i.e. being too much of an asshole or full of yourself. Otherwise I don’t think it adds anything of value to your game. If you’re sufficiently high status the move won’t shake her attraction, but if not you’ve just hurt yourself. Leave it to the late-night talk show hosts.