The Rawness

It’s no secret I have no great respect for Nick Cannon. He always reminded me of the famous celebrity version of that black guy in college who was kind of corny and solidly middle class, then went and tried to reinvent himself and act “extra boujetto” (bourgie+ghetto) once he hit college. The kind of black guy overdoes it around other blacks he deems to be more “authentically black” out of insecurity because he has a need to feel down and who also overdoes it around whites to play up his street cred and the novelty of being the token black guy hoping they’re clueless enough about genuine street cred to actually buy into it. Unfortunately he’s six years too late as far as the latter category goes. Age 18-34 white people nowadays have become so impressively hip-hop and street cred savvy in recent years that they’re incredibly adept at spotting black cornballs trying to pull a fast one. The days of black cornballs easily capitalizing on an undeserved bad boy image with white chicks just by rocking some baggy pants and using forced ebonics are fast coming to a close. Same for a celebrity like Nick Cannon who’s trying to win over America in the same way, his sassy, ebonic-filled attention whore antics while hosting America’s Got Talent are damn painful to watch. TRYING. WAY. TOO. HARD.

I think a lot of these types like playing up the stereotypical lingo when around white people because they know white people find such stereotypical antics entertaining. You ever watch a movie in a theater filled with whites and the audience cracks up at a line said by a black character simply because its ebonics? Not even because it’s a joke, just the ebonics of it. (90% of Chris Tucker’s lines in the Rush Hour movies for example) I have no problem with this if this is who you truly are. Chris Tucker fills the black stereotype role in the Rush Hour movies but that’s how he really talks and acts so fuck it, get that paper. With Cannon it transparently comes off like “This is the kind of black behavior white people like so let me play it up” and it just comes off really inauthentic.

But lo and behold, I came across a clip this week that managed to make even a guy like me feel sorry for the cornball. I mean this is just brutal.

Part of me hopes this is staged for his sake, but even if it is, that’s not much better. It means that he’s become disturbingly comfortable with his role as an utter joke. A lot of people are claiming it’s not so bad because it may actually be staged. In some ways though, that almost makes it worse!

No point dissecting it, at this point you can predict what I’d have to say if you’ve been reading this blog regularly.

Modern women are much more upfront and open about their sexual urges than any previous generation of Western women. I feel like Sex and the City dramatically ratcheted up this comfort with female sexuality even further, as I regularly found myself having conversations with women I just met or were barely acquainted with about their sex lives, their sex toys, their one night stand urges and more.

Now this intro paragraph into isn’t a lamentation or a condemnation about how I wish women were more discrete like back in the old days. After all, I’ve made it clear that I’m no fan of Madonna/Whore complexes. To me female promiscuity or sexual openness is not automatically a sin and worthy of slut shaming unless it comes from a low self-esteem, dishonest and manipulative place and proper discretion is maintained. I just want to nip that in the bud before anyone starts to level the whole “slut shaming” accusation.

My personal eye-opening moment in this cultural sea change was years ago around 2001 or 2002 when I was out with some female friends having brunch, and on the same block was an upscale sex toy establishment. One of the girls said “Let’s go in!” and the rest enthusiastically agree. It was three women and the age range was from late 20s to early 40s. As we went in, I was surprised at how the women window shopped right in front of me, talked about their favorite sex toys, which vibrators they did and didn’t have, which ones they wanted and the type of sex toys they disliked. Then they kept getting more graphic. (Part of me thinks it was a test of me as well, to see if I would be fazed or visibly uncomfortable) I didn’t mind because I love those moments when I get a look into the female psyche that most men normally don’t get. One woman even made a purchase.

Afterwards though, it made me think: what if the genders were reversed? What if my guy friends and I took a female acquaintance to a sex shop and were window shopping for things like blow-up dolls and fleshlights and discussing our experiences with them in front of her. How often we used them, which makes were our favorites, the pros and cons, etc, then ended the excursion with one of us buying a blow up doll or sex toy in front of her?

Who looks more like a loser? The females admitting to sex toy use or the males admitting to sex toy use? I’ve seen women playfully or seriously use accusations of blow-up doll use against a man as an insult. And generally men confessing to regular masturbation in lieu of sexual intercourse is more seen in society as a mark of loser status than a woman passing up relations with a man in favor of the company of her sex toy. (In fact, I’ve heard some women use such a choice as a sign of empowerment).

So I think we already know the answer: they guy proudly using sex toys would be socially looked down on more than the woman doing the same, by both men and women. So the ultimate question is why is this the case?

I grew up in pre-Giuliani New York City, back when the crack epidemic was at its peak, Times Square was a seedy porn capital of the world filled with the shadiest characters you could imagine, arcades weren’t family friendly and were filled with thugs and street kids and wearing anything nice like a Starter jacket, Air Jordans or an 8-Ball jacket was an open invitation for dudes to try to test you and rob you.

So if you were like me and didn’t want to be a crook or a victim, you’re best option was to get as street smart as you could, and even better was if you could actually become friends with the thugs because that meant you wouldn’t be a victim yourself. And thus started my lifelong pattern of always making friends with shady people, something that continued all the way through my college years. There are various type of criminals, and even if you aren’t involved in crime you have to understand and recognize the types if you live in the city just to navigate your daily life activities. Think of it like three classes: crash test dummies, middle management and players.